I am hanging up the spandex.  That is not to say the ToastMaster is calling it quits.  I still have plenty left in my tank. 

I am changing my hero duds from spandex.  I will be wearing "normal", everyday clothes with a blue checked apron, mask and a toque.  Still, it is a sad day when a Class "C" minor-super hero changes from the uniform that so many have come to see as his identity.  One must ponder the ramifications of such a move.  Hopefully the baddies will still recognize the ToastMaster.  If they don’t, then I will cause them to remember.

Spandex certainly has its place in crime fighting; but, not for me.  It is simply too flammable.  When I yell, "let’s heat things up," I ought not to catch fire.  To make matters worse, I was not even in a real crime-fighting situation; I was practicing in my lair.  The emergency room doctors are very nice.

I have other reasons for giving up the strechy stuff.  I have to face the fact that Spandex is too revealing and that is not a good thing like it was when I was in better shape.  The color of my suit (brown) was a bit odd in spandex, one might expect brighter colors.  I can get the same effect in chef pants or even khakis. 

The biggest reason I had in choosing to doff my uni was best stated in my Manifesto on the War Against Cliches in Super-Heroism.  For those of you who have yet to read my Manifesto, I can summarize.  The super-hero community, as a whole, relies too much on cliches.  We really are on thin ice here.  The crime syndicates know our weakness in this matter and will often use it to our detriment.  While we give 110%, they mock us.  I just have to say "no" to cliches.

The biggest part of the battle is knowledge.  Knowledge is power.  One might say that knowing is half the battle.  The problem is that most heroes don’t know their elbow from their apple when it comes to cliches.    That  is why I am here, to be a beacon of light in the darkness.  We must keep pressing: we have to leave it all on the field.  I will do my part, the gloves are off.  I am on record, now.  It is a new day.  Giving up cliches IS this year’s black. 

Butter side up, Baby