HOLY SHIT! I was just walking back from taco bell and decided to stop and flirt with my (hot) neighbor, Jesse. And to my surprise, there was a little old man with a crazy hat and a crazy red beard telling him something about marrying some girl and making a strong family. I was like... uh... ftw. I only got to flirt with Jesse briefly. Curses. But the after the strapping young man sort of skittered away from me, the old man put his hand on my shoulder and started talking to me. He told me that I needed a fathers love and that he would be my father and that I found him by no accident... FUCK THE WHAT?!

His name was, I swear to GOD, Testament. His name was Testament. Testament. He spoke with a heavy accent... German or something... He told me to seek out knowledge and to study all things and that men are snakes, smooth to touch with a poisonous bite. He told me not to have sex with any of them until long from now when I'm a scholar and another scholar becomes my husband. I can f*** my husband as much as I want. Together we'll build a strong unbreakable family. Until then, knowledge and health are the only important things in my life... WOW. Wow, Testament.

He said we'd meet again soon and he called me his beloved daughter. FUCK. THE. WHAT???!?

WOW... He said he couldn't wait to begin teaching me all I'd need to know.

O_O...

fuck the whaaaat?!