I'll rip my heart just so I can feel. So that for a moment I am not numb in this world. 
I came to a cross roads 3 years ago.. I picked the wrong one. Im so afraid of doing that again. Im afraid to love again and not be loved back. 
It seems relationships have become overrated. The simple thing is to be a booty call.. no feelings there right? But have I really been reduced down to booty call material? I was about to be a wife, and I was a damn good one. What the fuck happened? 
Its so crazy how much life has changed a year ago I was picking out my wedding dress. Tonight I'll be going out to drink and look at hot men....
 
It seems that the men I tend to like have already been hurt. They are at the same place I am. No one wants to take that risk of being hurt again. No one wants to swallow the pride, and say how they feel and no one wants to grow up. 

Ugh... 
I dont know what I want. I guess thats the Beauty of this life. Its all a series of choices. Some will be right some will be wrong but there are lessons to be learned from each choice we make. 
Maybe I should just do whats simple until I can afford to have something complicated in my life. Seems to be what the rest of the sheep are doing...