dear my pillows (white girl, puffy puffenstein, cloudbag, and fluffalupagus),

man, you guys are fucking AWESOME! i love you so so so so so so so so so much. who invented you? einstein? nahhhh... i bet peeps from like WAY long ago were using you. well, not YOU you. silly pillows. but like, your ancestors. like maybe even cavemen were using you. they probably made you out of like, dinosaur kidneys filled with grass or animal poop. man, those cavemen aren't as dumb as they look. after dragging their women around by the hair all day and driving around in those cars where you have to use your feet to run in order to make it move, they needed a good night's sleep just as much as us modern folk. and what's better than YOU YOU YOU for a good night's sleep?! besides xanax, roofies, whisky, or lunesta? NOTHING. you know what's lame though, pillows? DECORATIVE pillows. i bet regular, awesome pillows like you HATE decorative pillows. am i right? what a bunch of uncomfortable pricks. i've never met a decorative pillow that i could happily nap on. decorative pillows are for weirdos, which i clearly am not. i used to have one of those real long body pillows that i could curl up with at night, but i had to get rid of it because my dog kept having sex with it. my dog being me. but anyway, i just felt the need to give you guys a quick shout-out and tell you how much i love you, and how much i miss you when i'm not with you. can't wait to smash my face into you later. especially you, cloudbag. yes you, ya big softy!

love,

gabe

ps - i also like that you can be used as a murder weapon.


REGULAR PILLOWS = TOTALLY AWESOME


DECORATIVE PILLOWS = WAY STUPID!



STAR WARS DECORATIVE PILLOWS = LET'S FACE IT - AWESOME!


BODY PILLOWS = SEXUAL