there have been many farewells. many many farewells.
they have all had different meanings and sometimes they may have confused one clique of fans & freinds.
But they made sense to me.
each one opened up a door to another door, and another.
this farewell is mine.
v.mercy.
no, I'm not going anywhere. not yet anyway.I do have a 1 year ole musical project called MK ( AKA MERCYKILL/MADKAT) and some multimedia aspirations which have taken up my time.
so tonight-
the moon will cook & the memories will weep again
as the last man standing scratches and claws
yes, its devils night, and the spirit must awaken.
   10 years ago, I arrived in Minneapolis. Many months past before i finally moved out of my van and into punk house/ castle chaos. It was hard, but the chill finally defeated me. On Halloween 1998 apox did not have a show, so instead i watched television with tears & fears of the long cold winter ahead. My room was the size of childs bed & a table and one chair. In a sense, the size of a van. But it felt smaller. Anyway, that night, while a party raged beneath me on the lower levels of chaos, I had a visitor.
   A feral mouse that came to visit me frequently during the dark hours, and as our friendship grew, i would offer it food & sanctuary from the cats that stalked the castle & my mouse friend would remind me that freedom is all about trust. Something I had tested and lost. something i was coming to terms with outside & inside.    anyway, my mouse friend would crawl up and look me in the eye when the house was asleep and feast on strategic food crumb placement.. I had some christmas lights strung across the short space that made up the width of the room.
My little friend  would play " walk the tight rope" on. remind me of my connection to the wild things.
A metaphor for my life I suppose.
tonight,  I have more musical material with my new band than my lifes work "Apocalypse Theatre" and although in other lands, apox is alive & well, & will make appearances that are so much different than the apox the twin cities knows. I must say, that in minneapolis too many shadows are dancing on the walls, speaking tongues, and making me very sad. This piled on by expectations  has lead me to realize; that this is the time for me to accept change. and of course it is not with a bang but with a whimper. It will not be spoken, it will not be the theme. No just this whimper. So tonight we celebrate the animal spirits & i ask to myself and here, "where are they hiding now?"   I am happy to know that there are a  few apox survivors who still remain in my circle albeit undertaking new roles & lives. But any moment/excuse to come together is bliss for me. so tonights set consist of our most familiar anthems mixed in with a few songs that bridge the gap bewteen MK & Apox. Songs that were written during the last couple of years in the shadow of my "Harsh Reality". They travel onward with me now in a new direction. They are part of the new album I am performing live  Halloween as MK (mercykill/madkat) @ Memory Lanes.  yes, the lil monster was formed from the fragments of the apocalypse and has features that remind me of its baby momma/daddy. "Yup"

There is chaos in MKs veins and its all because of Apocalypse Theatre.

Like I said there are no real good byes. this is evolution & because of all I have learned & all the good friends ( and enemies) I have made from being a nomad & then staying in this city so long, I know there is still a promising future for the caravans I dream about. maybe one day they will rise up and become the alternative so many of us need/crave, & so many of us fear.  until then, i will always be painting in blood, and i promise to myself with that odd trust in time:i will never pretend to be something i am not. and i prey/pray & fight on for those who have lost the spark & for those who will fire it up on the next page..
rest well my friend "apox"
where the wild things roam
where forever lives.


~mercy


"see ya in arizona or kansas city or st. louis , or seattle, or new orleans, or baltimore or...."
primaltek.net