i am back in california, which is nice but also strange and difficult. that's pretty much, i think, the major difference between california and maryland for me. maryland at this point is neither strange nor difficult. i can't wait to live in maryland again for an extended period of time, hanging out with friends from college and bumming around dc. does that make me lame? possibly. but i didn't drop out, i didn't give up, i didn't back down from the challenge of this experience. i'm back here, and i'm going to make the most of it. dammit.


i have spent a significant amount of time in planes this year so far, and somehow i always get assigned the same seat: window, on the wing, left side. i love looking out of airplane windows. it's sort of my new favorite hobby. yesterday i stared at denver, covered in snow, bathed in orange pre-sunset light, and decided that i am going to try rid myself of all in my life that is ugly, from the inside out. i saw the plane wings shooting out into space beside me and imagined that it was my shoulder blades they were sprouting from and not the side of the plane. if i could paint i would do a self portraint of me in the window of an airplane, my forehead smooshed against the pane, staring out and down, mesmerized by a total change in perspective.