Ok. So I got to play Grand Theft Auto 4 continuously over the weekend. For fear of Sony ninjas watching over "teh blogosphere" I will not reveal the specifics of how I was able to do this.

So what should have been just me and my anonymous cohorts passing around the controller to cause mayhem and stay alive as long as possible on a lonely Friday night, turned into my logging of roughly 10 - 12 ish hours of gameplay time on the PS3 version of GTA 4 over the course of the weekend (well the controller passing fun-times happened as well).

I'm going to go pick up my reserved copy of the game for Xbox 360 on Monday night yet I have already logged a major amount of time on another system. A conundrum? No. Pointless? No. Sad? Well...you have me there.

What I'm trying to say is that this game rules so fucking hard that repeating those 10 - 12ish hours will be an absolute fucking blast. Yes, the game is that good.

Take any kind of hype that you bought into/excitement that you may have felt for Halo 3 and flog yourself for feeling like that. That game was ok, with good multiplayer but...meh...I'm sure we can all agree that as far as single player goes it was awesome at first...meh after a month or so had passed. Yeah, this is the game that everyone should be hyped for (and judging by preorders it looks like people are). But I really can't convey how awesome this game is...

But, like an idiot, here I go:

Let's get something out of the way. The graphics in this game are amazing. The sound: amazing. The physics: oh sweet christ the physics. Let me just say that ragdoll + cars equal pure nerd bliss. Within the first hour of playing me and my band of sad man-children were cheering/laughing our asses off at the random hilarity that ensued. Basically, all the technical shit is amazing. The Euphoria engine rules and is probably the best thing to happen to gaming since someone put buttons on a controller.

Here's my main talking point. The story. No, I haven't finished it, but what I've experienced has left me craving more. It's so well written and so expertly acted. Niko, the main character does some really bad shit (mostly under your control) but there's something about him that makes the player connect with him. That may sound like some fruity, ham-fisted nerd bullshit but seriously, the dialogue just makes these "people" seem like "people" (the real, squishy kind). The story is funny, sad, dramatic, and always entertaining. Rockstar completely outdid themselves. Just awesome.

The other big thing is the city/world Rockstar has created. An example: the game has a fucking internet. No, the game isn't HOOKED UP to the internet, they made THEIR OWN internet. There are dozens of fleshed out web pages dripping with satire and humor, taking the piss out of the real world interweb. Earlier tonight I was browsing MyRoom.com checking out the various stereotypical profiles: there was the emo-douche scenester, the party girl with slutty pictures complete with comments from dudes saying things like "you're beautiful, i'm a photographer, i could take some pictures of you." There is an online dating service where you can connect with loose and mentally "off" women who then become people you go with dates on in the game (part of the deep, excellently executed "relationships" gameplay). Fuck, you can log on to a fictional website to use fictional money to buy a fictional ring tone for your fictional cell phone.

There is TV in Liberty City. I spent 10 minutes straight watching "fake" TV. My favorite show is "Republican Space Rangers." When the re run came on, I went and got Conor so he could watch it. I watched some Ricky Gervais stand up. I watched commercials for "America's Next Top Hooker." There are radio ads, posters, tv commercials, web ads for movies that exist in the world....its fucking insane. You can steal a cop car, access their car's police database computer and look yourself up to see if you're on their most wanted list. This shit is bonkers. Come Monday, you'll understand.

Ok. There are some issues. Frame rate suffers when there are a bunch of (amazing looking/sounding) explosions going on, but that can be forgiven, seeing as how they have a huge fucking city streaming off the disc. The cover system works awesome and is super fun 90% of the time but occasionally you'll have it freak out a bit. Also, the new wanted level system is really, really cool...but it seems sometimes that its just random luck as to how fast (if at all) you lose the cops. Hard to explain but you'll see soon enough.

Ok. I think I'm done. IGN gave this game straight 10's. They haven't given a game that score since 10 years ago when they gave it to Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. I completely agree with them. Fuck Halo. Fuck Call of Duty. Hell, fuck Bioshock...(maybe). These games don't even come close to the amount of fun GTA 4 is. Monday can't come soon enough.




Oh yeah, and then there is multiplayer too. Sadly, I didn't do any of that so as to not get zapped by Sony (if they even care).





I just read over the post and, I believe, that to a "normie" or "non-game player" this post may seem a little sad and pathetic. Now, they may have a point, as much as that point is rooted in the related acknowledgment that they are, in fact, a cunt. But, I really don't think it is. Since Grand Theft Auto 3 these games have been more than just games. They are a sociologist's wet dream. These games have been so jam-packed with satire and social commentary as well as being homages to great films. All of the games have awesome soundtracks as well. Rockstar puts out these "time capsules" of our society and they just also happen to be video games.

If you think I might be too cheesy in this post, maybe you're missing the point. Maybe, shit, you are the lame one. Maybe, just maybe you're missing out on something. GTA 4, specifically has better writing than 95% of TV out there right now. You get tons of music, story, amazing gameplay, tons of shit to just dick around with, all for 60 bucks. It is literally over 40 hours of entertainment that we're looking at here. Why are movies and TV more valid? Just because you don't have the stigma of having a controller in your hand and "pretending"? Maybe you're missing out, skeptic that I'm making up in my head.

The point of these last two paragraphs is: This game would honestly be worth going out and buying a Xbox 360 for (PS3's are still a bit on the expensive). It is that good. Trust Uncle Jordan.





---nerd transmission terminated---