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Current mood:  melancholy Category: Life
(Note: For those unfamiliar with the anime series "Inuyasha", or the storyline to it, some of this post will probably get very lost on you)
For those who don't know, I started watching the show Inuyasha about 2 to 2-1/2 years ago. I have really fallen in love with the show (couldn't tell you the exact reasons why - just have), however lately, my mind has really been doing some thinking as I have noticed some similarities between the some of the aspects of the show and parts of my life, and I'm not sure whether to be concerned or amused.
For sake of length of post, I'm not going in to all the details of the storyline - I'm going to assume that those reading this have a basic understanding of it.(If you don't, go here: http://www.inuyashajourney.com/Story.php) My love life, as some know, has been quite complicated... all my life. And one of the things that I have always been bothered by is the fact that I seem to be 'forgettable'. I'm not the girl that a guy thinks about years later, wonders how she is with a smile or smirk on his face, the one he still - even secretly - fantasizes about and still sometimes wishes was his. You know the kind I mean. The unforgettable one. The one they never seem to really get over, the one that all women afterwards are measured by and also seem to unwittingly and unknowingly are compared to. Yea... that one. I have never been *that* to any guy I know. Not from a lack of trying, mind you. I just know - deep down - that I can't compare and I can't win against 'the unforgettable one'. And thats where the whole Inuyasha thing comes in. As I'm watching it, I start to see the similarities... at first, very subtle, then I start to wonder if I'm imagining it, and then as I see more, I realize I'm not imagining it at all. My relationships have been a lot like the one between Inuyasha and Kagome. While they are attracted to each other - even if they don't seem to want to openly admit it to each other - there is always 'the unforgettable one', somewhere. And her name (in the story) is Kikyo. While she does show up from time to time, the threat is not so much her physical presence, as it is the emotional and mental one that she has over him, and even as he struggles with his feelings for Kagome, he still harbors very deep, real, never-ending feelings for Kikyo that seem to transcend both time and space. I have always been in the position of Kagome - always being the one that seems to be up against 'the unforgettable one', and it isn't fair. I can sympathize with Kagome as I watch the show, and always seem to cheer her on, in hopes that she will ultimately win Inuyasha's heart and soul. Not just for herself, but for all the Kagome's out there who want to know that it is possible to win over 'the unforgettable one'.
Ultimately though, I wish I could be that woman to someone. I have never been a "Kikyo" to a guy. I (most likely) will never BE a "Kikyo" to a guy. In my current state, I can see why I will never be a "Kikyo" to a guy, even though I know that what I do, and what I offer in a relationship in not much different than those who are the "Kikyo's" in their lives. It's not fair that they came first. I have never been someone's first, or lasting memory, or the one that he seems to fall back on when he's daydreaming, or fantasizing, or thinking, or wondering....
I've been fated to live my life as a "Kagome". And it gets so tiring and frustrating.
12:29 PM
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