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~*FoxXx*~



Last Updated: 1/8/2010

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Gender: Female
Status: Single
Age: 21
Sign: Libra

City: Tigard
State: Oregon
Country: US
Signup Date: 5/7/2005
Monday, August 13, 2007 

Current mood:  contemplative
Why is it that even though i am
so happy with him, i still feel like
there is something missing?
He makes me feel so good about myself,
just the way he looks at me gives me butterflys.
Yet, I still dont feel completly "happy"?

What is wrong with me?
Is it true that i depend on men to make me happy?
Why do i do that?
how do i make it stop?
Is it possible to stop doing that?
If so, HOW?!

Why is it so hard for me
to tell him my biggest secret?
It has never been this hard for me before.
Im afraid he will realize
that im more damaged then he thought
and run the other way
What is so FUCKING DIFFERENT about him?
What is it about him that makes me
want to fall to my fucking knees
and just pour out my soul to him?
But once i actually think about it,
that's the one thing
Im afraid of doing

What will he do when he finds out
that im so fucked up?
That im beyond repair,
that every smile he sees
is fake
And that im hiding my REAL feelings for him
just so i dont scare him away?

Is it possible to fall for someone
when you know NOTHING about them?
Should i tell him my secrets
before he falls too hard for me?
How do i know he hasn't fallen already?
Will my past change his mind about ME

How is it possible to spend so much time with him,
yet even when he's with me
I miss him?!

Is it fair for him to be falling
for someone like me?
Am i really that good
to deserve his love?
Am I hurting him in the long run
by not telling him?
But will i hurt myself more by
TELLING HIM!?!?!






I wrote this like a week ago, trying to get out some of my feelings.
<address>Dont really know how i feel about it now..pretty much the same though.
I guess im just confused about this whole "relationship" thing.
i've never done that well with relationships, i guess its because i get kinda bored pretty easily. I really hope that doesnt happen with Garrett.
He is the only person that is keeping me sane right now! if it wasn't for his hugs and his kisses and him making me laugh, i would have gone completly insane!
see...thats what i was talking about....am i relying on him to make me happy? if it wasn't for his kisses and his hugs, where would i be right now?

can i not go through life being single and making myself happy? or do i have to have someone by my side every step of the way?

I wish i could answer my own questions!


Krista
11:46 PM
 
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Hannah :]
Hannah Felker

 
you dont have to be with someone to make you happy.. it just helps.
and if you do tell him about your past and he does run then its his loss.. whats in the past is in the past and if he cant get over that then oh well. its the past that made you who you are today so if all that never happened then you could be someone totaly differant so he should be thankful.. well not thankful but you know what i mean.
and the only reason you really need to tell him is if you think it will change anything.. if you dont think it will change anything then why bring up something that has past.. and him changing his mind about you isnt changing anything. so if thats your fear then dont do it unless you have to. cause your not hurting anyone by keeping it quiet.
haha. i have no idea if that made any sense but you'll figure it out.
 
Posted by Hannah :] on Tuesday, August 14, 2007 - 12:05 AM
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