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Greg Fair



Last Updated: 11/30/2009

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Status: Single
City: ROCHESTER
State: New York
Country: US
Signup Date: 1/30/2007

Who Gives Kudos:


Monday, March 12, 2007 

I wrote these poems 4 or 5 years ago and just recently found them. Let me know what you think!!

Afterward

 

The marsh burned and rippled a painful green.

 

The boy peered from his window

 

And shuttered with it.

 

He hid his pale face

 

At the sight of the black figure

Wading in circles through the weeds.

 

Poem to Sylvia Plath

 

Rise Menstruation Moon:

 

Pour pools of shadow,

Light and lavender,

From your ancient mouth.

 

Traveler

 

Hunched, in dull black leather

Shoes, curled up at the toes,

And a worn blue sweatsuit,

He heaves himself ahead.

 

Hunched, under the sound of the sky at dusk,

He struggles to shield

His sunken, bearded face

And heaves himself ahead.

 

Portrait

Rivulets of shadow trickle forth

The family is gathered

Together

 

Three at Dusk

I wince at my window

To hear the lanky girl in the tight white shirt

Seduce the brazen boy with the swagger

While a lumpy shadow stands apart,

Shifting restlessly in silence.

Sarah Grace

 
I like these... I think I'd read a couple before. 'Afterward' is my favorite.

In the Sylvia Plath poem (I like the alliteration in this), I would change 'menstruation' to 'menstrual' - I think the sound would flow better.

In 'Three at Dusk,' your descriptions are purely physical, except of the boy. You describe him as 'brazen.' I would change his description to a physical one, to match the others; the girl is lanky, wearing tight clothing, the shadow is lumpy - we make our own judgements of them based on what we see (more in the style of Hemingway), but with the boy's description, we're told what to think, that he's brazen. I'd rather get a comparable phsyical description of him. But other than that, I like it - especially the last line.

:)
 
Posted by Sarah Grace on Tuesday, October 09, 2007 - 5:04 AM
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Gregory Paul / Matewan

 
good, simple minimalist imagery. "portrait" is almost like a zen koan. "traveler" sounds like could work as song lyrics...
 
Posted by Gregory Paul / Matewan on Monday, October 20, 2008 - 6:24 AM
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