It’s incredible just how much juggling household finances, everyday expenses and the costs of not turning into a complete social outcast can screw with the brain of even a supposedly intelligent individual such as myself. Every fresh bill, social invitation or unexpected expense sends my mind reeling, figures chasing each other around my frontal lobe like PCP-addled cheetahs pursuing gazelles on rocket-powered rollerskates. Internal dialogues rapidly turn into fiscal hot-potato schemes Byzantine enough to make Enron’s entire creative accounting department spontaneously combust.

"Well, if I take some of the money from the overdraft on the bill account and transfer it to my main account, then cut down my shopping budget for this week and try to survive by sucking rainwater from the gutter and eating my own shoes, then maybe I can pay for enough electricity to power a couple of light bulbs, providing enough light and warmth for just the hours when I’m awake. That way I might be able to afford my bus pass so I can get to work in order to clear these overdrafts, and as a treat sometime in the next couple of months I may be able to afford to press my nose against the glass of the front window of a pub... Hey, look, there was 10p behind a sofa cushion! That’s enough Cola Bottles to see me through until Sunday!"

Fingers crossed, I’ve come to the end of this particular monetary nightmare, now that we’ve got another housemate safely in place and the housing benefit debacle the other housemate was embroiled in has (hopefully) now been resolved. Normal service (which pretty much consists of me spending an inordinate amount of cash on DVDs and beer) should soon resume.