that subject line, by the way, is, in fact, a play on that 'things that make you go hmmm' song from the ninties. if you missed it, i nearly did too. but forget that, this story is DYNAMITE.

so, the short 'background heads up' is that i recently moved to chicago, illinois. no real reason, per se, but i'm living here, and that's basically that. of the many things that happen in chicago, lollapalooza is one of them. this would have never affected me, as most music i listen to flies way under the 'pop music' radar, however, lollapalooza provided one gem this year.

my favorite band of all time, for the record, is rainer maria. i have nearly four thousand reasons to be head over heels for them, the least of which is their female singer (she touched my arm one time!). but that certainly isn't hurting them. now, rainer maria was, in fact, slated to play this year's lollapalooza, which perked my interest, as i could actually bike there in fifteen minutes, as compared to the previous 22 day bike ride to get to illinois. a small light in my brain flickered as i turned my nose up at the sixty-five dollar 'one day' ticket price. one band for sixty-five dollars? rainer maria would be worth it, yes, but if i could make a good story out of it...

ten a.m. - i wake up, grab one of my zines, and sign it 'to rainer maria, etc.'; and i also had the foresight to grab this little seemingly useless item of collectible uselessness; my 'last tour i went on' tour pass, with 'circle takes the square' written boldly on the front. basically it's a laminated 4 x 5 shiny printed thing, dates on one side, image on the other. looks pretty professional. looks may not be able to kill, but they CAN walk into places.

case in point - i show up to a 35 minute line around the block at the gate..and head for the 'back' end, where i knew the rainer maria stage was setup. i had hopes of AT LEAST being able to hear them play, which would've been good. but not good enough. i inspected the angles, threw out the 'fence hopping' idea right there, due to a lot of security. however, i recalled the reason the yankees win - everyone's always looking at the pin stripes...

i attached my keys and the aforementioned tour pass to my belt loop on the front, took a deep breath, and then walked right at security, faster than normal, like i had somewhere to be. in this case, the place was on the other side of the fence. i flashed the tour pass, and sure enough, got waved right in. my eyes widened a bit when i breached the first tier of security, and i rounded some trees, and popped out RIGHT at the stage i wanted to be at. i sat down near a tree, and for 25 minutes, i watched as a complete lack of security coming for me. it's almost like it WORKED!

and it did. rainer maria played, and it was great. being the only person who knew any words (in this case, ALL the words) was a nice confidence booster, to what was, at this point, a nearly unbearable ego, due to my charade as 'guy with the band guy'. so i figure, as they finish their set and exit the stage at the back, that perhaps i can push my luck even more. backstage was for people with the band, right? another security guard stood watch, and i wandered up, and was coincidentally met by the guitar player, to whom i talked for about 10 minutes. the last thing i asked was if their singer was around, so i could say hi, and he replied that 'sure, she's really nice - but i don't know if you can go back there'. i explained i had a pass, and he said 'oh, yeah, go for it then!' i even fooled rainer maria! i was in!

another confindent stride and a quick flash of my assumed status, and i was IN! backstage at lollapalooza! i hadn't paid anything! and didn't plan on it! ever again!

the long story short is that i talked to everyone in the band, and proceeded to overstep my lollapalooza boundaries (fences, if you will) by asking if they needed a merch guy, which was met with overwhelmingly optimistic responses. we'll see about that one, but since my quandry was met with more than a simple "no", i was ecstatic. i waved goodbye, which erupted in a group "bye matt!" from RAINER MARIA. it was great. i walked to the front of the stage, and found myself dead center of lollapalooza. for free. that's a funny situation to be in.

so after some aimless "i don't care because i didn't pay for this" wandering, i biked home, about 30 feet above the ground. best day in chicago yet. possibly ever.

for what it's worth, i came about a hair away from trying to get some free vitamin water for the 'band' i was with. the next idea i entertained was somehow getting a refund...

maybe next time. til then, cross your fingers that the next blog i spill out will be from the next rainer maria tour, titled "tales from the merch table..."