For
as long as I can remember, I’ve been on some kind of diet. You name it,
I’ve tried it: Atkins, South Beach, vegan and most recently the flat
belly. No matter which one I’ve chosen over the years, they all
required a period of time when you shocked your body into forgetting
bad habits. Industry insiders call it detoxification or the process
when toxic waste is removed.
With the zeal of a school girl day
one is usually easy breezy. You convince yourself that you’re going to
lick the battle this time. But by day seven, eleven or 21 you’re
climbing the walls. Your body cries out for relief. Next thing you know
a bowl of ben & jerry’s ice cream is sitting in your lap. At first
bite your taste buds surrender, you’re body awakens to it’s creamy
goodness. You said you’d only have one scoop, but good feelings take
over and before you know it you’ve eaten the whole carton.
This
may be a pretty drawn out analogy, but isn’t it funny that we often go
through the same process in our relationships? I know ice cream in and
of it self isn’t harmful. Yet, I also know that eating a bowl every day
is harmful to my health. If you deeply desire to be married and the
person you’re dating hasn’t given you a clear righteous path to the
altar, isn’t sure about their feelings for you, or is pressuring you to
have premarital sex, it’s time to detox. If they just seem to be
non-committal or tend to have a hot temper, it’s time to detox.
I’m
not going to front like it’s easy to pull away from a situation, but
I’m telling you the longer you remain in a relationship that distracts
you from God, makes you feel bad or second guess your decision to love
this person without the love GOD says you deserve in return, you are
keeping God from putting you in the position to receive the love of
your life.
"Detoxing
can take on many forms, but the goal is the same; getting a handle on
your emotions long enough to be able to withstand the temptation of
going back to the relationship that you know isn’t God’s best for you."During
my years of singleness I wasted so much time trying to work it out with
this guy or that. Eventually I learned some detoxing strategies that
helped me to mourn the relationship, get a handle on my thoughts,
emotions and ultimately my actions.
1. Be upfront—tell the person why you’re ending the relationship. Be honest.
2. Don’t take calls. Remember the ice cream—just a little taste will bring back good memories.
3.
Dont reply to text messages --in fact, change their name in your phone
to DO NOT ANSWER to remind you what to do when they call. (reason:
refer to #2)
4. Don’t accept dates or invitations to meet, run errands ,or help with that little project the two of you had pre-planned.
5.
Get going –busy yourself with things you enjoy. Learn a new hobby and
meet a new circle of people that share your interests.
6. Guard your
heart from offense—limit conversations with people who are personally
invested in your situation remaining the way it is. In other words,
misery loves company.
7. Draw close—amp up your prayer and worship.
Attend church regularly and commit to serve in ministry. Inundate your
spirit with Christian music, by all means stay away from those R.Kelly
CD's. If you've had sex, we already know that "your body is calling"
you don't need the "12play" CD lyrics looping in your head.
8. By
day 21 you’ll want to call…DON’T CALL or TEXT under any circumstances.
Don't drive by his crib and knock on his door saying, "We need to talk."
9.
Stick with it—Even if you find yourself taking that call, remind
yourself of the objective: to free yourself from toxic behaviors that
are keeping you from the love of your life. Letting love go can be
excruciating. But there’s such joy on the other side. Stick with it!
10.
Get alone with God and deal with the disappointment—Whether you write
it, pray it out or cry until you’re spent, stay on your knees until you
know that your body, mind and spirit has surrendered to God’s will.
Number
10 is important and it may take many sessions to get to that point of
surrender. It takes courage to break the soul-ties that hold us back,
especially if you've had sex. There's no condemnation, so I know you
can do it. Don’t be deceived; temptation will come. Focus on your
process and leave your past love’s salvation, situation, and drama for
God to handle. Pray that He’ll send someone to minister to them,
remember the reason for the detox. They are not marriage material for
you.
Praying your strength in the Lord
-Kanika
Writer/Producer for FindingMorris.com