I was out having drinks with my friend tonight - a girl who has known me for over a decade. We were talking about our recent endeavors - about how you never really know what you're capable of; and, I said to her "I used to live my life by following a bunch a rules and now I live my life by following my life." It sounds silly, maybe, but over the years I have fluctuated from pride to embarassment upon reflection of my behavior. For a long time I either wanted to behave or to save people. Then one summer a strange gentlemen took me out of NY and told me if I tried to be as brave as possible in every situation, everything would turn out alright. For a long time I thought bravery was somehow accountable to correctabilty, that punishment was a purging, that strict adherance to some preordained code would grant me peace and serenity. I guess it's a cliche for a reason - the more I live, the less I know.