There were gray haired women on the rocky beach today. There were kids there too, holding bundles of scrap wood and matches. One old woman was dangling a piece of raw bacon from between her pinched fingers and motioning with her other hand for me to come to her. I sat down on the rocks, my back to her. Eyes closed and ears open I could imagine Jayson sitting there next to me; hearing his voice in the roar of the waves and his laugh in the cackling of the gulls. If he were still alive he’d be here. “Onion rings always smell better than they taste, don’t you think?” “Those Italians on the beach sure look feisty” “Should we make a bonfire tonight and have belly dancing and fireworks?” all things that he might have said if he were here. I can picture his eyes deep and wet, flushed with tears, always feeling sad about something that he couldn’t explain. He confessed his whole life story to me the first time we met. It felt like I was under an avalanche of unfiltered humanity. “How odd and inappropriate”, is what I should have thought, but instead I thought, “how genuine, endearing, and how charming.” (I turn my head right then gaze left- J’s arm turning. I gaze forward trying not to be noticed- J’s eyes look left, not noticing. I turn my head left then gaze right- J’s head turning and his face smiling). I think to myself in a Slovenian accent, “You're beautiful, but me, invisible.” He asks, “Where did you hide the map and that Venetian glass blowers lamp? Don’t you know it’s a new moon? We’re lost and it’s dark Sean, don’t mess around”

In the present again, I open my eyes and see, between the buildings on the roadside leading up to the beach, an obese kid walking down the sidewalk smoking a joint. There’s a hyper, skinny kid jumping up and down around him, circling him. I hear a loud pop then the sound of metal scraping. A detached tire bounces into view just missing the startled kids then hitting a parked car setting the alarm off. A second later a car skids into view, slowing to a stop in the middle of the street. The driver gets out of the car and runs to get his tire. Carrying the tire back to the car with one hand, cell phone held to his ear with the other hand, he apologizes to people in the traffic jam that he’s caused. The fat kid laughs, takes another hit from his joint and begins to lumber slowly towards the beach again. The hyper kid resumes his jumping and circling.

Yesterday, a young deer ran straight into the side of my truck as I was driving down from the woods to the coast. It broke its neck instantly (close up of the deer’s dead eyes- fade into Jayson’s eyes; or maybe Jayson’s ghost was driving and it was an old bear that died. alternate scene, fade bear’s dead eyes into my blank eyes). You did have a lot of fans and I did have a lot of questions; and I don’t know if you ever forgave me for that Colombian with the blue Mohawk.