Peoples, we've fought many things over the years: homophobia, anti-Germanism, Helmut Bang's hygiene habits...
...but today, PINK STEEL goes on the offensive against swarms of angry crickets--all to save a small Nevada Town.
As you may have read in
Boing Boing,
The Wall Street Journal, or places we don't care about, the tiny 13-person town of Tuscarora, Nevada is about to be assaulted by swarms of Mormon Crickets! (That is actually their name)
They arrive in the millions und they are implacable! Unstoppable! They eat crops, they clog up car windshields, und just generally
nehmen sie eine scheisse on the town's collective birthday cake.
BUT...there is one thing that has been proven to drive away these nasty buggers:
ROCK MUSIC. There is something about the frequencies emitted by loud rock music that drives the crickets away. So the towns people depend on a local radio station--
MIX 96.7 FM--for their music.
This is where we knew we could help.
As I write this, the US mail is carrying a hot little package to
MIX 96.7. A package containing 14 copies of our legendary album,
OUT AT THE DEVIL--one for every citizen of Tuscarora und one for the radio station.
For if any rock music is going to defeat swarms of Mormon Crickets, it is certainly going to be Gay Metal! Why? Three reasons:
1. Our sonic assault has been known to melt insect shells at forty meters. PINK STEEL will rock those crickets right out of the air.
2. Our tunes, especially “
Converter,” have been known to turn males of any species into caftan-donning Friends of Dorothy. Do you know what you get when you turn a swarm of crickets gay? You get NO MORE BABY CRICKETS.
3. Ever since
Prop 8 passed in California, we have issue with things that have the word "Mormon" in them. So we have some skin in the game here.
We hope that our records arrive in time to help the fine people of Tuscarora, NV! Und if you live in the Tuscarora/Elko, NV area, call or email
MIX 96.7 und make sure to request PINK STEEL (800.888.9964 or requests@rubyradio.fm). It's for their own good!
GAY METAL SAVES!
