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Current mood:  blessed Category: Writing and Poetry
(long, but it has a spectactular ending =)
A couple weeks ago I was invited to an elementary school in Oakland to read poetry. My friend (and cast member from Bulrusher) has a son in the first grade at Civicorps and they were interested in having a performer to kick off there Poetry Month celebration.
I didn't think twice about saying yes, despite the fact that it was 8am on a Wednesday, and I'd have to skip class to attend. There was something about the idea of introducing small children to poetry that was irresistable to me. I also wanted to thank Louise for all the kindness she showed me during the run of our show.
Most of my work is very dense, and sometimes upsetting, so I knew I'd have to create new piece for the visit. I spent several days pondering what I could possibly write a poem about that would excite the 5yr old kindergarteners and keep the attention of the 5th graders.
Inspiration hit when I remembered myself as a small child; sad, lonely, and mercilessly tormented by peers. I knew instantly I'd have to write to myself, or the person I was 15 years ago.
I began: Dear Kirya,
This is for you
because you are sometimes
picked last, picked on, and picked up late
You are pushed around, pushy, and misunderstood
You are sad some days and
scared of the dark, and the night sky, and of being alone
You are often alone
and feel lost sometimes
and prefer to live in books
and dreams, and dress up, and
playing pretend
You pretend you are somebody else,
and some place else
away from
free lunch and hand me down clothes
and playgrounds with bullies, where
all the good swings are taken and
parents who are angry and
teachers who are unfair
Away from any place and
anyone
who tells you that you are ugly, or smelly, or can't color inside the
lines, or a cry-baby, or too slow, too messy, too poor, or too stupid
Because you are smart
and wise beyond your years
An "old soul"
and you already know almost everything...
But there is one thing
you still need to learn:
You are SO COOL
You are cooler than popsicles on a hot day
Cooler than pizza for breakfast and
staying up past your bed time
You are so cool penguins and polar bears have made a fan club for you
You are so cool ice cubes are jealous
Glaciers, icebergs, and the polar caps want to be like YOU
when they grow up
You are so cool you could single handedly
reverse global warming
and bring about the next ice age
and still have enough cool to
stop all wars
end all poverty, racism, sexism, and homophobia, and
give free health care to everyone
You are beyond cool
You are hot, fly, clean, fresh, bad, raw, crazy, ill, incredible,
amazing, fantastic,
THE BEST EVER
And above all that,
you are so cool
that it doesn't matter what anybody else says about you EVER
And it doesn't even matter if you don't feel very cool
Because you will
You will have better days
and sometimes get your way
and people will start to understand you
and you will start to understand yourself
and be recognized for your hard work
You will work hard
You will graduate
from kindergarten
from the fifth grade
from junior high, high school, and college
And you will create
Anything and everything you have ever wished for
you will make come true
You will grow
and learn
and love
and live
You will survive
and heal
and break through
You will feel good
and sometimes great
And eventually
you won't even need cool anymore because
you will have become something even better:
Exactly who you want to be...
Initially I stopped there. But on the BART ride over that morning I read it over, and felt that it was still missing something... that punch at the end that would make it all matter.
I pulled out a pen, but it was out of ink, so I scratched deep into the paper, making an impression of what i intended to say
Believe me
I know this is true
because before I was me
I was You
As soon as I wrote those words tears filled my eyes. I was overwhelmed and ready to burst. At this point I had arrived at the station and my ride was pulling up, so I knew I had to hold myself together. I was about to stand in front of an auditorium of small children! I couldn't start crying, or they'd be terrified!
The performance itself took about an hour. I had planned to read this poem, and another short blog about sunrise over the Elk ridge, but a particularily precocious second grader demanded an encore:
"Excuse me!" she said, raising her hand high above her "Can you read another one, because I REALLY liked that."
I had to aquiesce!
The children were INCREDIBLE! They were absolutely engaged and excited by my poetry, had fantastic questions, and were excited to become poets themselves. "When do you write?" They asked. "Is it true?" and my personal favorite "How do you find the words?"
I told them I liked to read a lot and then they asked "Who are your favorite poets?" and "What about Dr. Suess?"
It was so moving! So inspiring! These young children so open, so ready to learn, so willing to express!
Afterward Louise drove me to the BART station and lathered me with compliments, both about the presentation for Civicorps, and my work last fall. I thanked her again and again just for the opportunity to meet this kids.
When I was safely on the BART again, alone in my anonymity, I read over the new piece. I reached the end and began to sob uncontrollably. Not for the hardship I've gone through, but for who I've become.
Every word I wrote in that poem is the truth, up to the last line, and to know this... to be able to look back on what I've gone through and realize, maybe even for the first time, that I've survived... no, flourished... that I have become the kind of woman I've always wanted to be, and finally... to be able to honestly, with authority tell these kids that it is going to be ok....
There is no greater pleasure in the world. No reward higher. If I never progress past this height I will be ok.
I am an artist, a poet, and most importantly a mentor.
I love the work I do, and i wouldn't have it any other way.
8:38 PM
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