"I cannot explain to someone like Spencer what it is like to in the mirror and not recognize the face inside it. How there are some days I wake up and it takes everything inside me to put on a mask and walk through my life like someone else....
I am the piecemeal part you that you pretend does not exist,
except it is all that I am, all of the time."
Second Glance, Jodi Picoult
It is really hard, pretending to be something that clearly you are not. Sometimes though, I can almost believe the lie. Those are my favorite days.
I can tell the science behind it. I could list off the symptoms like a grocery list. I could discuss treatment options and the side effects easily.
What I cannot say is what it feels like. Can one describe what a hole in their soul feels like?
I want to feel whole.