Dear Helens of Troy and Helens of Duffy,
There's no real good reason to envy the lost-in-spacers. Those folks twisted up in the galaxy's guts, separated from family and friends until their lonely, become-bony deaths, forever pinging around the stars in a rusted-out old tin can or even a state of the art, vigintillion dollar shuttle…packed with a limitless supply of food and this like gigantic built-in home theater. Well…maybe we could go for being stranded in that kind of mother ship, to be honest. No more Earth, sure. But plenty of robo-massages from the ship's three expert robot masseuses/chefs. And an onboard biosphere pregnant with all manner of fruits and veggies. And maybe like this totally hot co-astronaut. And one thing leads to another, some Tang gets spiked, and then two lonesome and confused souls are making it in zero Gs! Goddamn, now it sounds like the forever stranded have it GOOD. Fuck that – they have it GOOD+. Because, picture this, as they are groping each other through spacecloths, a signal is beamed aboard. And, holy shit, it's a new CHUD podcast – but from like 100 years ago because those crazy castaways are WAY OUT there, jammed down deep in the pockmarks of space...like they are floating in Olmos's face. And it takes a while for stuff to get out that way, you know?
And so the computer cues up the podcast, and the beautiful voices of Nick, Justin, and Steve begin playing over the incredible sound system those NASA nerds installed in the walls of the glorious spacecraft. And it's like the anti-Viagra, because the astronaut loses his hard, and the astrohaut just wants to get with Steve's voice. That's right, kids – The CHUD Show ruins sex for future astronauts! Deal with it.
It may be winter, but cast those cheapo earmuffs aside and prepare your mighty ears. You heard RIGHT! A new CHUD show has arrived, and it's even better than the following joke:
Q: What does S. E. Hinton say every winter?
A: Brrrr, it's really cold Outsiders.
Here's a quick taste of what you'll hear when you download this BEASTIE (it's a long one, folks):
- Nick RUINS the ending to
Vantage Point. For the good off all mankind, really.
- Steve speaks of seeing the international VAMPIRE sensation
Twilight, and then attempts to explain why he went to see said international VAMPIRE sensation
Twilight.
- Steve spins some UNLOVE for the latest
Star Trek redo trailer, Nick dishes
The Punisher: War Zone (liked it with reservations), and Justin admits to seeing
Hancock in theaters. LATELY.
- The gang engages in a heartbreaking discussion about actors who dare CHANGE their names.
- Nick MINI-ROASTS the legendary Joe Pilato.
- The boys talk about folks who just ain't needed in Hollywood any longer. BEGONE!
- Billy Joel IS discussed and some of his songs are sung.
Please, please download so your ears can be happy for the holidays. Get it from iTunes or click here for download instructions:
"I guess Louis Gossett was busy."Lovin' you like no other,
The CHUD Show