Well everythings fucked up. We're not moving into a cute little apartment like I planned. And I hate absolutely everything right now. I know realistically I don't hate everyone. But I feel like I do unless I think of specific people who don't suck lately. (My dad, lori, jamie, joe....extended family and so on.)

The people directly involved in my life right now? Well they suck. Jeremy, my mom, my sister, Sprout...you all SUCK right now. I hate EVERYTHING about life right now and I just want to go to sleep and not get back up. OH And news flash, since I let the cat out of the bag during an argument this morning. I'm pregnant again. yay joy and celebration. No. Wrong. As much as I wanted to be excited about this baby and as much as -I- actually am. I can't. Too much stress. Too much bullshit and too much I don't know what to do with.

I guess apparently I will be in monticello for a month or so. By myself. Going crazy. With just my daughter and her aunt as company. At Jeremys dads house. Again. At least his dad will be in the cities. Detraction? Jeremy will be too. Yay for suspicion breeding concepts and arrangments. I just want to fucking die right now I'm so stressed out. I just don't want to deal with any of this shit.

I called sprout and told him off. I don't feel bad yet and it's all shit I needed to get off my chest anyways and I figure I'll be alone in monticello anyways I might aswell fuck everything up while I can and I can quit pretending to give a fuck what comes out his argumentitive mouth anyways. And I can stop pretending I enjoy his comapny anymore cus I don't. He's on bullshit. All the time. And I don't like being bullshitted. We all know better, your not fooling anyone. Especially not yourself. Fucker.

I just want to be left alone, except for my dads family. Because I actually feel like part of my dads family. Not necissairly the extended family. I feel out of place with them sometimes. But at least I always get that "these are my people" type of feeling around them despite not feeling inner circle. But alas I don't feel inner circle anywhere so it doesn't really matter. I apparently am not even inner circle in this fucking relationship. Big suprise right? Not really. talking to jeremy about anything important is either an argument or like dealing with a big ass brick wall.