is there a cure for depression besides shotguns and razor blades?  sure i see a shrink, but to them i think i'm just a lab rat or case-study... they try out all their new anti-depressants on me, and take frantic notes as i describe the terrible side effects... i've tried all the street drugs too... i think marijuana 's the best cure for most depression/anxiety problems... but even it has its side effects-apathy, lethargy, munchies... plus the athorities don't agree, and sometimes try to make a big deal outta that stuff... but if it comes from a rich pharmacy company sure, unleash it on the public, the more addicting, the higher the sales, just like tobacco...

i was in a good mood earlier today, but then the old human conditions of doubt and fear of the unknown kick in... so far as i've seen, they don't have pills for that... a point i'm sure some would argue, but nothings a perfect cure... i used to meditate a lot... that helped... writing helps too... i guess you just gotta go with what makes you feel better... but beware the horrible drug cycle... sure you'll feel better or number or whatever for a while, but then that goes away... and you want more, and more, ad infinitum...

these electrons won't help either... there's the digital gap... disks and solid state electronics won't last more than a couple decades, if that... the only way to have your writing preserved is the ancient way... carved into stone... which even then will eventually weather away to nothing...

i guess for most of this stuff that's a good thing... i probably won't even wanna read this crap after a month or so...

i always dreamed of being a writer... i didn't care about fame or money... i just always hoped that maybe something i'd write would stick with someone... benefit their life in some way, and maybe by these small actions the world could be a better place...

seems hopelessly naive now, but i know better... the world could be a better place... are we condemned to greed and lust and violence?  i hope not... maybe i should go into psychology... however chaotic it might seem sometimes, i think there are patterns to human behavior and therefore behavior can  be influenced... one at a time, person by person, until suddenly, well not suddenly, but eventually, maybe everybody would care about each other... i don't know... maybe these are just more hopelessly naive fantasies...

i consider myself a realist... but when you look at the real situation, hope is all we got... things don't seem to be going well for humanity... our so called beacon of freedom is strategically positioning itself to take over major oil supplies in a time of crisis... that means war... everybody knows war is hell... its not good for anybody but the bloody bullet manufaturers, and companies developing multi-million dollar fighter bombers... creating ever more devious ways to tear a man to bits...

what's the cure for that?  i always referred to it as plan b, the bullet in the brain, which i think they should name a drink after... it was a joke at first, but what are we gonna do when it all gets bad, when only rich people have enough money for food and medicine...

i've heard a lot of old timers say that canned food and shotguns are always a good investment... i hope it never comes to that, when neighborhoods turn against each other for bread and water... but it could... what then?

that's why we need to learn to live as sustainable communities now... humans are nothing without each other... no meaning in their lives, and zero chance for survival...

i just wanna go out to the country, share land with family and friends so we can grow enough food for everybody.... maybe that would cure my depression... i've always wanted to try and make the world a better place... i'm sure many people have... i guess we just gotta start small, start helping each other out, and start paying it forward... some people already get it... some don't have a clue... but everybody's got a right to live... until the bombs start falling and there's no rhyme or reason to who lives or dies... hopefully some of us will... and maybe we'll be to busy trying to rebuild and have enough food to worry about the little things that can get people so down....

wait... did that just say that war is a cure for depression?   that ain't right... but population graphs do all look the same... an exponential rise to unsustainable levels... and then a huge die off... and then after that, there's more stuff to go around for everybody.... i don't know... humans can be so stupid, repeating the same mistakes over and over again... there were civilizations before the recordings of modern history, what happened to them?  famine, strife, overpopulation, war... sound familiar?...

sometimes i hope humans never make it off this rock until whatever catastrophic galactic calamity wipes it out of existence.... barring alien intelligence, i think this would be a cure for human depression... heaven forbid we make it to other planets and solar systems and fuck those up like we have our own... that would be depressing...