The insanity of this life reaches me finally
Why is it like this?
Why do I feel I have such little purpose
In all of their lives
Yes, Yes, They claim and declare their love
But I'm no more useful than an old chair.
Worn out and yet still there
All the memories still there
but the purpose of the chair is fleeting.
These thoughts of empty meaning
have been bothering me for ages now
and I still can't figure out why?
Why can't I be the one person that they need in their lives
as  they are to me.
Why can't my friends prove to me through actions
instead of words the meaning of our friendships and standings

How can I be useful?
I have the intellect of a mindless teenager at times
and yet others, I know alot of things
and give my opinion and advice
and they still don't take it
When things begin to turn to the way I predicted.
They pretend I never gave warning.
and come to me for protection.
If only they had listened in the beginning
Why I talk of advice. I tell them
What I feel that is the right move in my heart.
I give them all of me.
Hoping, Praying for the acceptance
I have never truly felt with my family.
and Yet never really get it.
In all Honesty.
I hate every living moment,
living this life I have created for myself
Given up so many things for the people I love
and have them drop me for a newer version in a second.
The older/Supposedly more mature version.
I know how that woman is,
She isn't the goddess of pure light you make her to be.
She is just an older, more demanding
Influencial version.
Who is going to hurt you as she has me.
She gave up her own daughter
a product of bad decisions
but i guess I have to pay
For my father's careless mistakes
and be shut out by both of them .
These are the thoughts that plague me at night
The ones that I can't shake no matter how
many times I hit that bong.
Take that shot
or smoke that ciggarette.
My life is full of pain,
that I pretend isn't there and
ignore until I am alone.
When I get too quiet, they worry
so I continue to wear the fake mask
that I created for myself so many years ago
and just pretend that everything is fine.
When really..
I'm just dying inside.