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Current mood:  blank
It's late at night and people have fallen into deep slumber only to awaken in the land of dreams. I sit in front of my computer staring at the blinking cursor as it creates the letters to form the sentences buried in the depths of my mind. These past few days I have done nothing great. All of my time were spent on my job and only at night when silence surrounds me do I go and dream of things that were or will be. It is then that I realize certain simple things that I failed to notice then. As a smile gently plays on my lips and I hum a little melody. It is then that I dream and see the things my eyes yearn to see. Each thought passes by as if clouds drifting in the vast blue sky. There are memories from my past, they seem to have come to remind me of the me then. Then there are those thoughts that contain my wishes and fantasies. They are surreal and incredulous and only in my dreams can I reach them and pretend that they are real.
This solitude I'm graced with tonight pushes forward thoughts and spins them around at great speed. They pass by so fast and only flashes of them remain in my mind. I'm staring out the window to my right and I am greeted with the sight of my neighbors huge tree. A closer look reveals to me the vast heavens. So dark and calm. As little stars twinkle and do a simple dance for me, I feel my heart overflow. Not with joy nor sorrow but simply the overwhelming thought of the things out there that await me. Pieces of me that I have somehow lost along the way, pieces that will make me more than the me now.
I wanna feel complete, accomplished....I wanna fulfill those little things in the back of my mind and in the depths of my heart. I wanna pull those thoughts out and make them into something beautiful for everyone to see. I guess I just need to have more faith in myself and in my capabilities. The passion within me had flickered and almost died and yet here I am reclaiming it once more and hoping to make it blaze and fuel me to greater heights. Somehow that thought makes me wanna laugh out loud and throw that particular thought out the window but I couldn't and I definitely shouldn't. I don't have much pride in myself. I sound conceited and a bit arrogant. I don't sound like me. It's not perfection that I'm after nor am I jealous or envious. Simply put, I wanna be more than the person I am now. I want people to see me in a brighter light. I want them to see the burning desire I have in my heart to share all theses things. To make them understand, to make them see, to make them feel all of these raw emotions I hide beneath the simple smile that graces my lips.
And as the fire within me burns brighter more than ever I only wish that those shadows that hide in the darkness that had enveloped me be touched by the light that I have somehow managed to find along the way. I've come so far and now is not the time for me to stop. I will keep going and I will keep trying. The faith I have in myself and the dreams I've worked so hard to create will soon be a reality.
9:24 AM
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