Dear Toyoji,

Even though I am mourning your loss now, I am so grateful that I had the chance to befriend you. I have learned so much in the 7 years I have known you. I remember when I first discovered that you had attended Curtis and Juilliard with the principal trombonists of both the New York Philharmonic and San Francisco Symphony. Then I learned that you were never that interested in being an orchestra jock-you wanted to make music, not re-make it. The next surprise I had was to learn that you had a full-time career as a trombonist in Europe!

Perhaps the biggest impact your career has had on me is that when you came back to California, you made a decision not to play for a career, but instead to play for the love of music. This is a standard of musical quality that I have done my personal best to emulate, and I have to thank you, Toyoji, for helping me have the courage to make music the way I want to, regardless of what stands in the way of it.

Now and then a thought drifts along about one of the many performances we've done together. Remember when Larry Ochs put us UNDER the seats during the last section of his Mirror World performance so the sound of our didgeridoos would rumble the audience chairs? Or when we tried really hard not to get lost in the middle of Feldman's long tones in Samuel Beckett? I lamented then, as I do now, that I wasn't available when you had rehearsals with the Mills Didgeridoo Ensemble. Another great memory-when you stopped at a garage sale just before a rehearsal we were having and saw a trombone, and since you remembered the serial number from your very first trombone, you were able to identify this forlorn instrument as your own, very first horn??? We were in the ensemble room at Mills, and you had just bought it. You took it out of its case and showed me. That was fantastic.

Over the few years I've known you, I have so appreciated the effort you have put into supporting me. I could count on you to be at every solo show I've ever given in the Bay Area. When I told you I was planning to quit taking orchestra auditions, your first response was an exuberant, "Congratulations, Jen!" You gave me a heads-up whenever there was an event or person in town who you thought I might find interesting. You would send me music files and bring me sheet music of Mangelsdorff at random, probably thinking I might like it, which I did, of course. Indeed, I honestly feel that you understood better than anyone else in my life how arduous the process was for me to be on the brink of an orchestral career only to realize how poorly it would suit my creative interests.

The best Toyoji story I have though, is this: you and Marianne invited me to see a piece Pauline Oliveros was doing at Great American in SF. You knew her piece was first on the show, and didn't know who was on the second half of the show. During the 2nd half, we sat together, wondering who this drunken, raspy voiced singer was who looked like he was only half prepared to perform. He still sounded good though...later on, we found out that it was Tom Waits. And honestly, Toyoji, I think that you, Marianne, and me were the only 3 people in the concert hall who didn't know who he was! I'm so glad we were sitting together.

Thank you, my dear friend, for believing in me. Your support was exactly what I needed.

Love, Jen