Well my vacation is over, and I'm back to blogging properly. For anyone who is new to my blog, I just returned from a seven week soiree across the USA, and met hundreds of MySpace people and, frankly, had myself "a very good time indeed". But I'm back to my regular schedule now.

Food. And love. In combination.

One thing I really like doing is cooking. And frankly (after quite a bit of practice) I've become fairly handy at it. I'm by no means a 'chef' and I'm not as diverse as I'd like - I can't do a soufflé and my range of desserts in minimal. But what I know I can do quite well.

Now how I came to cooking was quite simple - I was an "insecure teenager". One day it occurred to me that in order to achieve some degree of success in the bedroom stakes, I needed to increase my (ahem) "unique selling proposition". I'd already become a musician (which can be highly effective in the right circumstance), but I felt I needed to broaden the palette. So at the age of 18 or so, I began to learn how to cook.

The effectiveness of this "home-cooked meal" technique is here demonstrated using Damn Girl as a subject.
And keep your filthy gossip-mongering minds under control, it was all innocent.

Basically - cooking for a girl is a great way of winning her over and (ahem) getting her under. If your post-meal objective is to get laid, then the odds are good frankly. (Granted, as the girl is already in your home, she may have been at least entertaining the notion. But the invitation to a home-cooked meal is a highly successful method of getting her there in the first place.)

A lot of guys have hit on this notion as well, but have failed to ascertain exactly how much effort is actually involved to pull it off. The promise of hand-prepared epicurean delights may lure her into your dining room, but a meal of Kraft Mac & Cheese served on plastic Flintstones plates with a beer may send her straight back out. (And if it doesn't drive her away, you probably shouldn't have bothered cooking and just taken her to Taco Bell in the first place.)

Cooking a decent meal takes a fair amount of practice, and a fair amount of preparation. Dishes that require a great deal of effort are usually a bad idea, as you end up spending all of your time over the stove while she sits getting bored. My repetoire includes dishes that often take considerable preparation, but quite brief actual cooking time. Asian food is excellent in this regard as many of the dishes come together quite quickly (although the prep can be significant).

Chicken-breast in a wholegrain mustard sauce, with garlic mash and blanched vegetables.
Carrots would have improved the presentation, but it was a fair effort.(I forgot to buy them at the grocery store).

Once you get started cooking, some decidedly "male" aspects kick in. For starters, the implements of a well-equipped kitchen appeal to the same area of the male brain that worships motorcycles and power tools. What is good cookwear other than precision-machined bits of shiny steel? After saving up my pennies I finally got myself a set of Wüsthof-Trident knives, and I am fiercely smug about that fact.

These knives are serious kitchen-porn.

Seduction.
But if you want to cook your way into a girl's underwear you really need to consider the bigger picture. Cooking for a woman isn't about food, any more than a Rolex is about telling the time. It's about seduction.

Now I have long on a personal crusade to bring seduction back. We live in an age where the art of "wooing" a girl seems to have vanished. "Get her a lager then get a leg over" seems to be the mode of operation, and I like something a bit more compelling.

Seduction has many forms and guises, naturally. But one method is simply doing something extravagant for a girl, on the grounds that "she is worth it". This last bit is the most important. It's hard to fake this form of seduction, because if she isn't worth it, then why exactly are you going to all the effort?

Seduction when preparing a meal for a woman means attending to the finer details. The presentation, music, candles, wine... what those in the restaurant business call 'ambience' (except they pronounce it "om-bee-yonce").

At the very minimum you need to get yourself some decent plates and cutlery (ie. whatever Americans call knives and forks - I can't remember their term offhand). Get some glasses that don't have cartoon characters on them. If you know nothing about wine then buy a New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc, as you cannot EVER go wrong with this wine. Don't put Hank Williams or Pantera on the CD player.

In later blogs I'll explore this whole food/seduction notion more, and if there's interest I'll even start writing some of my basic "how to get started" ideas down.

Until then - what do the girls think?
Any other guys out there got something to share?
Anyone got a story of their own to share? (Notice how discrete I was... :)

Well that was my first blog back after a ridiculously long vacation. Hope you enjoyed it!

Now I don't often ask for pimpage, but as I've been away for so long, a lot of people have forgotten about me. So if anyone wants to spread the word that I'm back on deck, I'd be very grateful. Would be nice to see all the old faces back.

And don't forget that the video talk show project with myself and Paul (Devils Advocate) will be getting underway next week. That WILL be fun. And it will feature the return of the infamous pink jacket. On the weekend I might even resurrect the infamous nude guitar playing as well. We shall see...