Do you feel self-confident?

If you answered, "Only at times" then you are like most of us. But we differ from each other in what self-confidence means inside.

Today I am thinking about the way in which it commonly seems to mean rather a different thing to women than to men. We can see this at a superficial level by just listening and watching. "I can deal with anybody wearing these heels." "I feel so fit I could piss a hole right through that wall." No prizes for guessing who is talking.

But let us look a little deeper. Here is a thought of mine. The heart of a woman's self-confidence is whether she can trust her feelings to guide her. The heart of a man's is whether he can trust his body to do what he wants it to do.

Maybe that surprises you? Perhaps you thought I was going to say that a woman's confidence is based on her looks? Well, of course, that is part of the picture. But if you think about it you will find plenty of women who exude self-confidence but have little in the way of looks and will never make page 3, or want to.

The self-confident women are those who know that they know what is best for them. They know what clothes are right for them: they trust their feelings. They know what friends are right for them: they trust their heart. They know what music they like best: they trust their feelings. They know which men they like and which men they can love: they trust their heart. The know what food is right for them: they trust their feelings. They know who they can trust: they trust their heart. They have a kind of inner strength and inner harmony which comes from this trust. And the trust is repaid. The more you trust your heart or feelings, the more reliable they tend to get. Be forever doubting them and they just pack up or crack up.

The women who lack self-confidence are generally far too ready to believe other people, fuck-wits and all. Their minds are filled with a hundred rubbish suggestions on how they should be and where they should go. Suggestions chucked into their minds by people who know next to nothing about them, and are often are only hoping to gain some advantage.

Shakespeare wrote the words: "This above all: to thine own self be true". You might use the phrase as a reminder that trusting - being true to - your feelings is one of the keys to a happier and more confident life.

It is also true, but less central, for men.

Footnote: After writing this I did some Googling. If you want a heavyweight article by women on this theme go to http://www.gt-cybersource.org/Record.aspx?NavID=2_0&rid=11164.