I'm in Guernsey, which as you may already know, was once occupied by the Germans during their whole Nazi period.

I went to a museum today to find out more about this point in the island's history and discovered that they had a "Genuine Nazi Army Fork" for sale. This came as a relief to me, as I'm constantly being tricked into buying shoddy reproductions of fascistic cutlery.

I took a photograph but it didn't come out very well, which I blame on lingering Nazi magic still on the fork.

I don't know how it is a Nazi fork. There was nothing to differentiate it from other less egomaniacal forks. Not even a little swastika or anything. The fork was behind glass and so I couldn't pick it up or anything. Which is probably just as well, as I was with a Jewish friend of mine and might have ended up inadvertently stabbing him in the face, a bit like that film when Michael Caine has a killer's arm attached to him and then ends up killing people. I must stress, Caine has already lost his own arm earlier on in the film and so the new limb doesn't make him some three-armed windmill of death. Which is a shame.

Anyway, Nazi fork was £12 and, for the big spenders, Nazi spoon was £14. I can't see how the spoon is two pound better than the fork. As a weapon and eating device, the fork is far superior. Unless you're dealing with soup.

Oh, and they had one Nazi tent peg too. At this point, you can make up your own joke about camping.

Cheers,

Lloyd