You know, New Year's tends to be a time when we make amends for all of the bad habits that we picked up the prior year, and promise ourselves that we will "do better" in the new year.  Sometimes this is just a way to avoid feeling bad about an unhealthy November, or a promiscuous December (damn crabs).  Just like us normal people, bands and rockstars have New Year's Resolutions as well.  Here is a list of resolutions from some of these bands.

Jon Bon Jovi - With the AFL taking a break, I can focus on something more near and dear to my heart.  My cowboy accent.  It just isn't cutting it anymore.  I need to take it to another level.

Ron Wood (The Rolling Stones) - I resolve to buy my wife a dildo with an American Express attached to it, so when I leave her for an underage eastern European, at least she can fuck herself while destroying my bank account.

Chad Kroeger (Nickelback) - I resolve to write an original album.  This year I'm thinking of breaking the mold.  Maybe I'll have a bunch of songs that talk about libraries and childhood memories.  I was thinking about a combo of acoustic guitars and mullets.  Oh, and I think I want it to have a heavy edge, like a subtle mixture of Anthrax and Metallica.  Yes, that's the ticket.  I rock.  The world loves me.  Soon my plan for world domination and a Canadian master race will come to fruition.  Car ton bras sait porter l'épée,

Dave Mustaine (Megadeth) - I resolve to finally let go of my grudge with James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich.  After all, I'm doing just as good as them.  What's that?  Death Magnetic went platinum and was their record fifth number 1 album.  Mother Fucker!  I will have vengeance!  How can being bitter make me so cold?

Phil Anselmo (Pantera, Superjoint Ritual, Down) - I resolve to popularize a new style of singing.  I call it Heroin-setto.

Kanye West - No long will the black man be held down.  This system is designed to keep us from rising to the top.  What???  We have half of a president.   I am out of another excuse?  Fuck it.  Barack Obama's white half doesn't like black people.

Van Morrison - left blank to avoid unnecessary emails from internet watchdog services trying to kill free speech.  thanks for all of the admirable, important work you guys are doing.  I hope you like what you see in the mirror when you wake up in the morning.

Above Mentioned Internet Watchdog Services under the employ of insecure artists who can't handle a third rate music blog giving them a little ribbing - We resolve to do something more important with our time.  Maybe we can use this patented web technology and sophisticated monitoring system (aka adding artists to google alerts and checking emails) for good.  Perhaps we will catch child predators.  No, nevermind.  We are going to threaten to sue small blogs and message boards for making fun of washed up artists who hire us.

Bruce Springsteen - I resolve to be more liberal and preachy.  I just don't think I covered it in 2008.

Axl Rose - Now that I have released Chinese Democracy, and it only took 16 years, I have a new goal.  I resolve to make China an actual Democracy.  Mr. Jintao, sha-na-na-na Tear Down That Wall!!!


Toby Keith - I resolve to recruit more artists for the right wing.  America just can't take me seriously enough to swing a vote.

Eddie Vedder - I resolve to take my extreme douchebaggery to a new level.  This year I am going to impale effigies of babies.

Tina Turner - With Ike gone, I can finally pursue my real dream......Snowboarding.

Lars Wettner - After proclaiming that the new Nickelback album was better than Chinese Democracy I will take punishment upon myself.  I will be known as Lars Kroeger for at least 3 months.