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Johnny

Johnny Young


Last Updated: 11/17/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Married
Age: 47
Sign: Taurus

City: Phoenix
State: Arizona
Signup Date: 5/21/2005

Who Gives Kudos:


October 30, 2009 - Friday 2:31 AM

Current mood:  amused
Category: Blogging
Okay...just when I was about to let myself be convinced that Wal-Mart really WASN'T "The Great Satan", they go and do THIS:

http://www.azcentral.com/business/articles/2009/10/28/20091028casketsales.html

Walmart Starts Selling Caskets, Urns Online

Yes, you read that headline right. Wal-Mart is now selling caskets and funerary urns.

People wonder why this amazes me and why I find it to be so...well...so WRONG. It's quite simple, really. Stop and think about it. Would YOU want your Dearly Departed to spend eternity in something you got online as a "Rollback Special"? More importantly, would THEY approve? And then I wondered...would Sam Walton approve?

Let's look at how these MIGHT be marketed and you tell me...

"Wal-Mart...we've rolled back the prices on death!"

"Now even death is cheaper at Wal-Mart!"

"Shop early for the best online selection! Wal-Mart's 'A-Tisket, a-Tasket, We've Got Your Brand New Casket!' Sale starts Friday!"

You see what I mean? How dignified is that? And even scarier, Wal-Mart has now become a truly "From Cradle to Grave" Merchandizer.

You start out life coming into this world as a newborn. A doctor slaps you on the ass and things go downhill from there. Your parents registered at Wal-Mart so they have all their "Baby Needs"...diapers, formula, onesies, moist towelettes, booties, binkys, blankies and bottles. They are good to go and you, you lucky little rascal, are a new Wal-Mart Customer in Training!

You get to take it pretty easy during those first few years. Your folks get all the powders and lotions for your baby needs. They get the soothing syrups for you when your "Equate" Formula upsets your tummy and makes you cranky with cholic. They apply the "Equate" Baby Lotion to your little bottom when those "Great Value" diapers start giving you Diaper Rash. They get on a first name basis with the Pharmacist because they can get all their (and your) prescription medicine needs for 4 bucks a pop in the "It's as good as the Name Brand" Generic Prescriptions!

And now we are a Toddler...

You enjoy your Great Value Apple Juice from a Rubbermaid Sippee Cup and eat your Great Value Oatmeal or Dry Cereal with nary a care in the world. Your entertainment needs are met by the Durabrand TV, the Playskool toys and the soft but cuddly stuffed animals you drag around, chew on and throw at the cat.

And so it goes, through the school years...your clothes, toys, school supplies, bikes, shoes and assorted bric-a-brac all purchased for you or BY you at your friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart. And the cycle doesn't end there. After college, you meet someone, fall in love and get married. You register your wedding gift requests at Wal-Mart, just like your mom and dad did when THEY got married!

You get excited when you see all the gifts at your Wedding Shower. And no worries if you get six blenders, three toasters and a shoetree that you didn't even ask for. You can take them in to Wal-Mart and get store credit for them all! The money is all placed on a handy, dandy Wal-Mart Gift Card that you can use for anything in the store! You decide to use the money to buy a beautiful Sauder plastic woodgrain veneered particleboard ENTERTAINMENT CENTER! And it comes "conveniently packed" in a large, flat box. Not only are your Entertainment Center needs met by Wal-Mart but they have also provided you with "Argument Material" for when you and your spouse attempt to put the thing together! Those clever Wal-Mart folks! They always seem to know exactly what you need and at just the right time, too!

The resulting argument leads to each of you discovering that neither of you is like you were when you were dating. In search of solace, you go looking for a book on relationships at...say it with me!...WAL-MART!! They just have EVERYTHING!! And you each lay in bed later that night reading your respective books and try to figure out when and how the person you married has turned into a complete and total jerk/shrew. And the beat goes on...

Now you're in your 70's. You've been a faithful Wal-Mart customer for over 70 years. You've gotten all your clothes, food, drink, and general "stuff" at the big Blue on Blue Building with all the happy, shiny people inside it. You see a notice at the counter when you pick up your medication. You heard about it on the news but weren't sure you had heard it correctly. But there it is..."Use your Wal-Mart Visa Card and buy your casket NOW! Take up to TWELVE MONTHS TO PAY WITH NO INTEREST! Go to
www.walmart.com for MORE details!" You read the words and see the happy, smiling elderly couple gazing at the caskets and funerary urns at the website. You decide to take advantage of it because it will, "make it easier for the kids when we go". 

And, sadly, a few years later, you both pass on. Your kids call the funeral home and they send a hearse for you and your "box" that you've had sitting covered in the garage. It's a beautiful "Executive Privilege" model with brass trim and padded interior with white lace. With it, you're guaranteed to be the envy of every corpse in the Funeral Home.

And so it goes. You have literally been a Wal-Mart Customer...for LIFE...and now, thanks to the Internet, into the AFTERLIFE as well.


Oh! And have a Happy Halloween!

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Currently listening:
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Honeybunny♥

 
This is truly funny...and sadly true. Where else can you get your meds, your contact lenses, your haircut, your groceries and...AND do your banking...all without ever leaving the store? It's like a mini-Disneyworld. Sort of creepy but oddly addictive at the same time.

 
Posted by Honeybunny♥ on October 30, 2009 - Friday - 4:05 AM
[Reply to this
Johnny
Johnny Young

 
You're right! I used to love just "people watching" at Wal-Mart. It makes you feel really GOOD about yourself if you do that. LOL
 
Posted by Johnny on October 30, 2009 - Friday - 5:46 AM
[Reply to this
*~*Karen*~*

 
Firsties--

Good Lord, what will they come up with next

Happy Holloweenie
 
Posted by *~*Karen*~* on October 30, 2009 - Friday - 4:06 AM
[Reply to this
Johnny
Johnny Young

 
I'm waiting for the "Wal-Mart Wedding Chapel and Quickie Divorce Service".
 
Posted by Johnny on October 30, 2009 - Friday - 5:47 AM
[Reply to this
*~*Karen*~*

 
well I was firsties lol, she slipped in seconds before me
 
Posted by *~*Karen*~* on October 30, 2009 - Friday - 6:12 AM
[Reply to this
deanna banana

 
I wonder if you can put them on layaway?  lol  That is just messed up!

 
Posted by deanna banana on October 30, 2009 - Friday - 4:08 AM
[Reply to this
⊗wing⊗
Soul Wing

 
omg! Layaway...LMAO/LOL!!!!

 
Posted by ⊗wing⊗ on October 30, 2009 - Friday - 8:47 PM
[Reply to this
Johnny
Johnny Young

 
No, they did away with that. Can you imagine trying to tote that thing home, though? LOL
 
Posted by Johnny on October 30, 2009 - Friday - 6:08 AM
[Reply to this
Uwe das Platypus

 
I'm still in the process of suing Wal*Mart so I dont even shop there. It doesnt suprise me that they would go so low to sell caskets and urns.

 
Posted by Uwe das Platypus on October 30, 2009 - Friday - 6:27 AM
[Reply to this
Pam

 
I personally think caskets are a total waste of money.  Death is a big money business and none of it is logical.  It doesn't surprise me at all that WalMart wants a piece of that pie.

When I die my kids can burn me in the back yard and let the wind take me away, or put me out on the curb for garbage pick up. 



 
Posted by Pam on October 30, 2009 - Friday - 2:33 PM
[Reply to this
~RyAnRaE~
Steve's Girl

 
My mom always told us when we were younger if she died to "remember trash goes out on Friday."  It does seem a little silly to pay all that money just to be dead!
 
Posted by ~RyAnRaE~ on November 2, 2009 - Monday - 1:54 AM
[Reply to this
msRed

 
I don't see anything wrong with Wal-Mart, or anyone else, offering a lower price for products that every person will need one day?  The funeral homes, until now, have pretty much had a monopoly on caskets and charge WAY more than they should for them because they know people have to have one, or an urn.  I personally know of a family who recently lost a loved one.  The only thing they could afford was a pine box.  They paid $1,100 for that!?!  I also have a good friend whose wife passed away about 7 years ago.  He offered to "make" his wife's casket because he couldn't afford one.  He was told it wouldn't meet the states requirements.  So he and his kids bought one of those cheap pine boxes like you see in an old horror flick.  BUT, he made the headstone himself.   If it ever stops raining around here long enough for me to trek through the cemetery I will get a pic of that and send you.  It is all he could afford and thanfully there were no restrictions at the cemetery which prohibited him from making his own.  Who knows, maybe Wal-Mart will add headstones next?

I popped to the Wal-Mart site and took a quick peek at those caskets and urns.  My aunt who passed in May had a bronze casket that looks almost identical to the one on their site.  Wal-Mart price is $2,899.00.  The price my uncle paid was $7,200.00.  Obviously there would have been some differences, but most likely it was in the brand name AND the fact that you couldn't buy them anywhere else for less money.  They have a rose colored urn for $215.00  My mom passed in May, one week after her twin sister (the one mentioned above).  Her urn was like that Rose Supreme on the Wal-Mart site except hers was green in color.  The price of her urn:  $800.00.  That good ole monopoly again. 

As for Sam Walton, I think he would like this idea.  I met him when we got our first Wal-Mart store here.  I was a Customer Service Manager and he came to our store for the Grand Opening.  He was all about offering a good product at a good price that was affordable to most folks.  Trust me when I say that the prices they are offering on caskets and urns is incredibly cost saving compared to what a funeral home is going to charge you. 

Kudos to Wal-Mart on this one.  Leave some of that money in the hands of those left behind instead of in the hands of funeral homes who overcharge and take advantage of people at their weakest and most vulnerable time.

 
Posted by msRed on October 30, 2009 - Friday - 6:01 PM
[Reply to this
⊗wing⊗
Soul Wing

 
LMAO, i heard about this+was giggling. i got them topped, cuz the army will pay to have your body to blow up in tests+stuff. in your face, small mart!

love+hugs+happy hallowe'en ♥
xoxo
lena/wicked-wing :P

 
Posted by ⊗wing⊗ on October 30, 2009 - Friday - 8:46 PM
[Reply to this
Cheryl Buffarilla is Celebrating Life Today!

 
1000 bucks for a casket....it's a good deal....I just am not sure how well this is going to go over with the funeral home...they may say they don't except 3rd party coffins......with this economy...we may have to go back to living room "Wakes"...and back yard burials...

 
Posted by Cheryl Buffarilla is Celebrating Life Today! on November 1, 2009 - Sunday - 8:32 PM
[Reply to this
cinsuze

 
Ridiculous!  I plan on NEVER setting foot (alive or dead) in a casket. It takes up too much space.  Cremation is for me.  That's wha I eventually turn to anyway.   Dying can be expensive enough, if you're ill.   Why should I add another burden of burial costs and a funeral to whomever is left behind.  If I have money to leave, I want that person or those people to be able to spend it as they see fit, on something they need or want, NOT on sticking me in the ground.
I am not a Walmart customer anyway.  I've been told that I'm weird for not going there. OK, so be it!

Next thing you know, they'll have them at IKEA, and you will have to assemble it!

 
Posted by cinsuze on November 1, 2009 - Sunday - 9:20 PM
[Reply to this
~RyAnRaE~
Steve's Girl

 
Wal-mart itself is becoming a monopoly, putting many smaller grocery stores and department stores out of business.  I suppose, though, that a lot of people will like the idea of having a cheaper option when they pass.  Medical and funeral expenses could run them into a huge financial hole...why not get a casket at discount?!

 
Posted by ~RyAnRaE~ on November 2, 2009 - Monday - 1:57 AM
[Reply to this