damn it
i feel so... i don't know...
i feel cold, sad, alone, pathetic, useless, hurt, confused, angry, numb, cheated, depressed... and a fair few other things that I can't figure out

i guess no matter what you get it doesnt make you feel better
i got to see the band iv wanted to see for my entire life, Linkin Park
i got to MEET the only band/celebrities i've eever wanted to meet.. Linkin Park
and yet...  i still feel.. crap.

im honestly not happy with anything in my life
im not happy with who i am and the things i do (and don't do)
im not happy with the people i call my friends
im not happy with not having any REAL friends
im not happy with not having my girlfriend here
im not happy with my job
im not happy with anything

i seriously cant think of anything that makes or could make me happy
maybe my girlfriend but i doubt it for reasons that i cant say

most of the time I've been with my girlfriend, rebekah, has been the best time of my life
but not all of it and i dont know whats going to happen between me & her cuz of what would look like stupid shit but it is really important to me

im confused with the way i feel. i love you rebekah. i love you so much
to any girl reading this that i may have led on (either in gest, or by accident), i love rebekah and I'm not leaving her or cheating on her so if I gave you any other impression it was a mistake.

im turning into the person i hate the most
why cant i stop

fuck it. i hate this