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julie



Last Updated: 12/16/2008

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Gender: Female
Status: Single
Age: 22
Sign: Taurus

State: Connecticut
Country: US
Signup Date: 5/22/2005
Wednesday, February 07, 2007 

Current mood:  cheerful
a sporatic stream of conciousness. a wandering, contradicting mess:

i get these anxious, throbbing feelings sometimes in the very pit of my stomach. and it hurts. i want to scream, but my body won't allow it. tonight i searched helplessly for the meaning behind it, and found nothing more than a cobweb hanging on my frontal lobe. figures. that's always how it happens. you never find anything until you've given up hope on finding it. that's so trite. then again, life is trite, too. it's a series of events that repeat themselves in different moderations. i wonder...if we used our brains to the potential that they are able to process information...could we trace these repetitions like Fibbonacci numbers or growth spurts in toddlers? if we could follow our misfortunes i suppose that we would rob life of the thrill entirely. and then where would we all be? leading cold, meaningless lives as many people willingly sacrifice themselves dodaily. would there be any difference? for me there would - i long to be something more than another face in the crowd. i want to make a difference to someone. but, not just anyone - someone who makes a difference to me. someone who can take the dull light of my soul and illuminate it with such grandeur that it over takes every other part of me from time to time. it wouldn't be so bad to be a light. i'd be able to see everything. things that normal eyes can not have the pleasure o noticing. the small imperfections that are not recognized by the regular pasesrby with no time for the minute details, the beautiful splendor of human existence. i long to believe that every person has their meaning and purpose in life - but what is mine? i have not found an ounce of purpose in the meandering days that are worth a third, even second subtle glance. and there i find myself, guilty, as of course there has been meaning to my life so far. there has been beauty, in quantities that no person besides myself could ever begin to master. and i feel sorry for all of you poor bastards out there who have yet to experience it as well.
Currently listening:
Everything in Transit
By Jack's Mannequin
Release date: 23 August, 2005
5:57 PM
 
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