I pretty much saw the end of the human race today and everything's changed. So I'm sitting here with this big decision to make. The biggest decision I'll ever have to make. A decision that means I might... well, it's big. And the Doctor can say what he likes about blogging but I'm going back and reading my earlier entries and it's helping. Those first posts feel like they were written years ago by a different person but it's my life. It's everything I've done.

"Morgenstern was the one who suggested I start doing all this. He reckons that writing things down helps make it all make sense in your head."

And oh was he right. That daft nearly-Doctor was right. Because there's just so much to think about right now and it's all swirling around inside my head... the end of the human race. The end of the Universe. The Doctor being even bigger than I thought. The last thing the Face of Boe said. The Master. Harold Saxon. My mum. What's going to happen to me...

So, let's write it down. Let's put it in order.

It all started in Cardiff. Yeah, I know. Cardiff. We went there so the TARDIS could refuel and before we knew it we were just so far into the future that all the stars were gone. And we saw the end of the human race and met this man called Captain Jack Harkness. You know what, on any other day I'd probably be sitting here telling you how fit he was but, right now, that doesn't seem remotely important. But yeah, he was something else all right J

Thing is, he used to travel with the Doctor. Oh, and lovely Rose, of course. But the Doctor left him behind. They were best mates and he just left him behind. And it's made me think two things. Firstly, is that what he'd do with me? Just one day leave me behind, a million miles away from home. I mean, I never thought the Doctor'd do anything like that but then, this is a man who lost one of his hands and then apparently grew a new one. Jack keeps his old one in a jar – don't ask! Secondly though, and again reading the old blog entries really makes me think... when did I last speak to Julia? When did I last think about Keisha? After the Pentallian thing, I phoned my mum and said I'd call round for dinner. But I didn't. Travelling with the Doctor, doing all this... I'm not saying you become selfish but there is an element of leaving it all behind. You get so caught up in Weeping Angels and Daleks and war memorials and living suns...  but, everything ends, doesn't it. You can have all the memorials you like but everything ends. I've just been to the end of the Universe where everything dies and I know he says Rose is okay but Jack thought he'd let her die. And I'm his best mate now... yeah, all right, I love him... but does it mean I'm safe? I get so distracted by the Doctor and everything that I don't even phone my mum and if I die...

'Chan' Let me tell you about Chanto 'to'. Actually, it's probably spelt C'h'aN'to' or something but it doesn't matter. She was an alien. The last of her kind. Part of an unrequited love thing. And instead of being all depressed, she was... wonderful. So sweet and lovely and helping the human race to survive. So, no, she doesn't remind me of anyone at all J  But yeah, she was just so funny. She had to say 'Chan' at the start and 'to' at the end of every sentence. But, I got her to break that little rule and she loved it but then she died. She was killed. She was murdered. By the man she loved.

And he was a Time Lord called the Master who, well you won't believe who he else he was. But yeah, the Doctor was wrong. He wasn't the last of his people. And you'd think that would be a good thing. You know, it would be hope for the future or something. But he killed his friend. He killed the person who loved him most. And killing Chanto was just the first thing he did.

He took the TARDIS and left us in the darkness. He went away. And he changed everything. He broke everything.

Everything went wrong.