Want to know what it's like to be a novelist these days?  You sell the novel over a pleasant dinner (or an efficiently emailed proposal and outline).  You write the novel.  You send it in.  You get the editorial letter.  You rewrite the novel.  The novel is accepted.  Everyone is pleased and cautiously optimistic.  Then you get  that introductory email from your publicist.  Your abdominals clench and your heart sinks.  Ellis Weiner captures it beautifully in this Shouts & Murmurs piece in the New Yorker:

Let me introduce myself. My name is Gineen Klein, and I’ve been brought on as an intern to replace the promotion department here at Propensity Books. First, let me say that I absolutely love “Clancy the Doofus Beagle: A Love Story” and have some excellent ideas for promotion.

To start: Do you blog?  If not, get in touch with Kris and Christopher from our online departrment, although at this point I think only Christopher is left...

If you're a professional, it will make you laugh, sway with recognition, and reach for the vodka.  (No, beer is not enough at times like these.)  If you're a beginner, well, one day, if you're lucky, you too will get that sinking feeling...