Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy, and Chris Strait

The New York Mets won their spring opener, bringing them one step closer to disappointing their fans.

Alex Rodriguez homered in his first spring training game. Yankee fans are happy that all the steroid hoopla didn't get in the way of A-Rod's ability to play well when it doesn't count.

Red Sox reliever Jonathan Papelbon recently told reporters that he suspects he is going to die young. Thousands of Yankee fans agree.

Stephon Marbury is expected to sign with the Boston Celtics as a free agent after he clears waivers. No one is more excited than the city's psychiatrists.

And Arizona's Kurt Warner said he is not sure if he will retire. The good news is he's already in the right place for it.

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