Over the past few weeks I have come to the conclusion that this semester, for whatever reason, is the hardest that I have ever been through. Mentally, physically, scolastically, emotionally, it just plain stinks. I’ve tried being calm. I’ve tried praying. I’ve tried talking. I’ve tried sleeping. And the good Lord knows I have tried crying it out. The problem: That’s just it....I still see a problem. It’s not going away. No matter what anyone says, what anyone does, how anyone reacts, or what I do. I got to thinking today.....Am I depressed? Now I’m not talking about the "depressed" you get when you find out you failed a test, or the "depressed" you get when you found out your cat died. I’m talking about a feeling that eats it’s way in to every aspect of your life. Before you know it, you are consumed by something that you don’t even know what is.

I’m not sure if this "feeling" was brought on by my parents divorce. I’m not sure if it was brought on by the two F’s that I made 3 weeks ago. (and I have never made an F before in my life) I’m not sure if it was brought on by the frustration of not having hours at work, or by having to plan a wedding all by myself.

This "feeling" has seperated me and my brothers. This "feeling" has hurt my relationship with my mother(amoung other things). This "feeling" has hurt my school work.

I’m not sure what I’m going through. All I know is that nothing I am doing is working. I’ve also come to realize that it is more of an internal thing than an external thing. I get so jealous of other people. I get so hurt by other people. I blame things all on myself sometimes, because of other people’s actions.

I wish this "feeling" would leave so I could be at Peace. I think i need a vacation....and I’m not talking about going to Nashville.....