Dear Holiday Inn,

Having shared your company so often in the past few years, I feel close enough to broach an otherwise touchy subject with you: that of your complimentary lotion.

Now, I've stayed in more hotels over the last few years than I have in all the other years of my life combined. I've sampled the lotions of the Ramada Inns of our country, the Comfort Inns, Signature Inns, Quality Inns, etc... Occasionally one will receive a lotion that is oddly scented, albeit pleasantly so. Citrus, for example, or peach scented lotions can be an interesting change from the norm.

I must take exception, however, to your recent trend of Gingerbread scented lotions. Personally, I have never met anyone who thought, "Gosh, are my arms ashy!?! I'd like to smell like anise now."

Furthermore, being apart from my wife as often as I am, I am frequently in the awkward position of pleasuring myself in lonely hotel rooms. I cannot express how disturbing this can be, how surreal the experience, when it smells like I am fucking a cookie.

Please remedy this immediately.

Sincerely,

Mikey Mason