Before anyone asks, "Haz-Mat" is short for "Hazardous Materials." This means anything from radioactive waste to enriched uranium cores used to make atomic bombs. One must wear a Haz-Mat suit to work with such deadly substances, much like my colleague in theoretical physics Dr. Gordon Freeman did in Half-Life and Half-Life 2.

And it is in honor of Dr. Freeman, The One Free Man, He Who Killed Head-Crabs For Your Sins, that I devote the fourth Wednesday of every month in my Doom Dispatch column towards "Haz-Mat Theater."

Haz-Mat Theater is basically the Bizarro-World version of Masterpiece Theatre, in that I will review, for your reading pleasure, the worst of the worst in terms of motion picture entertainment.

But I will not pick the films to review… No, that will be your job...continue reading this article at Geeks of Doom!