I started this past weekend searching for something.  It was missing, whatever it was.  A natural part of me was gone, and it was bothering me.  All day Friday, I slumped along, not quite whole.  Deep into the night, deciding to not make an appearance at a birthday celebration, I tossed and turned in bed, fondling for the essential part of my essence that had been missing.  On Saturday, I awoke feeling rested and reinvigorated, and I realized what I needed to recapture.

My smile.

I am not much of a frowner.  A frown looks fake on me.  I put on a facade, but everyone knows it's a farce.  So on a Frowny Friday, I didn't feel much like myself the whole day.  There was a brief fight with a coworker, there were some unruly and disrespectful students, and then there was fourth period.  I have fourth period off - but I was asked to fill in for an absent coworker.  I entered her classroom, read her directions to the classroom, and marveled in their behavior. 

They got right to work!  They were playful, they were funny, they seemed genuinely interested to be in school.  This was an honors class, sure, but  weren't they still teenagers?  It was refreshing to see students engaged like this.

After class was over, I went to visit my friend Afton's class to see if she wanted anything from the supermarket.  I entered her fourth period, which she claims to be her worst class, to see them all seated with their books open, respectfully listening as Ms. Ginlock introduced Romeo and Juliet to them.  I was impressed. 

Afterwards, I swung by Angie's class to wish her a happy birthday.  Inside her class were twenty students throwing her a birthday party.  They had gotten her a birthday cake, signed by all of them, and they wore smiles and hats of appreciation.  It was a heartwarming site.

Then, I left.  I left all of that to walk into the cold, lonely hallway.  I began to think:  I just visited three successful classrooms - what am I doing wrong? 

This problem plagued the rest of Friday while I forced a frown.

Saturday morning I rose at 7 a.m.  I ate bacon and eggs, drank coffee, all the while still looking for my smile.  It had been a very long time since I had been up that early on a weekend, so after an hour or so, I was at a loss as to what to do with the full day ahead. 

I made a snap decision - it was time to do something out of the ordinary.  It was time to be spontaneous.  It was time to go searching for my smile.

So I began the drive.  Sometimes the drive can be just as important to the destination.  I drove down Florida's Turnpike, singing songs, slamming my hands into the steering wheel, giving passerbys an eager thumbs-up. 

Two and a half hours later, I arrived in Kissimmee, Florida, where I quickly jaunted up to the box office to buy a ticket to see my beloved Detroit Tigers play the Houston Astros.  After quickly purchasing a beer and a hot dog, I entered the park just in time to see Craig Monroe smash a fastball over the left-field fence.  And I smiled.

In the three hours that followed, I couldn't have feigned a frown if I tried.  There was polite conversation with the fans seated near me.  There was a chance encounter with an old high school friend, there was more beer and even more enchanting sunlight.  The Tigers rallied from a one run defecit in the top of the ninth, and I rose to my feet and applauded a team that has become the ideal of losers that can win.  After the Tigers closed the game to end with a 7-5 win, I took a picture of the scoreboard.  Not to commemorate a statistically meaningless Spring Training game, but to remember the day that I rediscovered my smile.

The drive home was just as bright, even though the five minute downpour attempted to disrupt my countenance.  All the rain did was to serve as a reminder that there will be reasons to frown every once in a while - it is only up to us whether we allow this feeling to last, even as the rain is evaporating on the sunscorched blacktop.

I'm still smiling.  I don't know what else to do.  If Mondays and frowns try to besiege me, I'll know that there is always redemtption around the corner.  Friends will be coming to visit me soon, and who knows what kind of smiles await this encounter.  The Ides of March are behind me, and the middle is an afterthought.  Frowns are only a reason to remember why smiling feels so right.

- - I miss you