Quick: Name the fast-food restaurant chain with the worst service.

Okay, times up. If you said anything other than Dunkin Donuts, you're wrong. It never fails to surprise me that the place with the most limited menu (coffee and its myriad variations, donuts, bagels and bagel-based sandwidges) has the slowest turnaround time after you order. And that's any time of day, not just the hours before 9 AM when they're actually busy. You could be the only customer in the joint, and yet a simple cup of coffee (a little milk and no sugar, thanks) and a Boston Creme donut takes an infinite amount of time. Even though I've gotten my snack and gone home, I'm still waiting in line as I write this.

And the employees! I know what a soul-crushing gig fast food can be, and hey, we've all had shit jobs. I don't expect you to have sunshine spraying from every pore, but when you're being paid to provide customer service, you should try to be pleasant. Just make an effort, that's all I ask. The best attitude I've gotten from a DD employee was business-like. Normally, they act like customers are imposing on them, like they're doing you a HUGE FUCKING FAVOR by not turning the sesame seed bagel you wanted toasted into a lump of ash and pure carbon.

If you work, or have ever worked, at a Dunkin Donuts (or any fast food hellhole), you have my sympathy. I wouldn't trade places with you for all the Puddin' Pops in Bill Cosby's freezer, and I shovel horse shit for a living. There are exceptions that prove every rule, and I'm sure if you're reading this, you are one of them (because, hey, if you read my blog, that's several million style points to you). Remember, your job may suck, your co-workers may suck, and the customers may suck. Just be thankful you have one of the few jobs left in America that can't be shipped overseas.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some leftover Easter ham to eat.

I love you all,
Dan the Trash Can Man