TRU$T FUND TERROR$ SUSPENDED FOR EXCESSIVE BOTOX USE

Los Angeles - The socialites/skaters of the Tru$t Fund Terror$ are no strangers to scandal, but they just found themselves in a situation where all of mommy's money and all of daddy's lawyers can't save them. The TFTs have been suspended from play in the L.A. Derby Dolls' season due to excessive Botox use.

Botox has been widely accepted and utilized as a cosmetic treatment to temporarily hide fine facial lines and even prevent them. Approved for cosmetic use in April 2002, Botox is a trade name for botulinum toxin. Essentially the botulinum toxins block the signals that would normally tell your muscles to contract therefore if an area of the body can't move, it can't wrinkle. "Roller derby is a dangerous sport, you get hurt and sometimes you can't stop from grimacing your face in pain," stated TFT Captain Broadzilla, "broken bones will heel, torn muscles will mend, but the facial wrinkles from contorting your face in pain can last forever." The deadening of the facial cells from Botox creates an expressionless face, the TFTs hoped this would prevent wrinkles however skaters from other teams felt the TFTs had other motives. "Talk about a poker face, Tawdry Tempest would skate by me and I just wanted to poke her in the face," said Maggie Mayhem of the Sirens. The lack of facial expressions was considered an unfair advantage for the TFTs, plus it was just creeping people out.

The TFTs have been suspended from play for the remainder of the Derby Dolls' season or until the Botox wears off. The affects of Botox tends to last four to six months, however no one knows exactly the dosage that the TFTs took although it is assumed to be far above the average dosage. As TFTs start to regain facial expression they will be allowed to skate with other teams during the 2007 season. Nonetheless several TFTs have stated they are off to Switzerland to investigate other advances in anti- aging and will not return to roller derby until their suspension is over and their team is reunited. "TFTs por vida" exclaimed Evil E as she boarded her private jet and flew off to Europe.

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