I'm right at exactly 1 week since my retropertoneal resection... or as the layperson might say, getting my guts cut open & a big ole tumor ripped out. No cancer, it was benign. As I sit here pondering on how it all went down, how scared I was, etc, I'm trying to figure out what it is God wanted me to learn.

I think the first thing is that God is God. I want to loudly shout His wonder and love, and that He definitely is. At the same time, I know as I say that others may be reading this who are dying from their cancer and possibly wondering why God hasn't seen fit to cure them or take it from them. Their dying doesn't make God any less wondrous or loving. So I guess I'm trying to say that I appreciate God's blessing me, but I hope that whether He blesses me or allows me to suffer/die, I hope I would praise Him either way. That said, Thank You, God. You are Holy and Pure, The King of Kings and The Lord of Lords.

I think a second thing I feel from my experience is that when in doubt, take it to The Lord. After I was told I might have cancer, I felt so frustrated and depressed. I remembered reading Dolly Parton's book a few years ago and how when she went through a depression she got out her Bible and read it from beginning to end. By the time she got to the end she was no longer depressed. So I began reading. I'm near the end of Genesis, I know, a long way to go, but still I already feel better and not from the cancer-free ruling. It's from reading The Word and coming to know My Lord in a time that I have fallen away from seeking His Word on a daily basis.

On The Bible front, I have been taken with Psalms Chapter 34 recently. I found The Bible open in a patient's room one day and looked to what he had it turned to. That chapter jumped out at me. I would encourage any of you to read it and ponder its words. I'm trying to memorize the entire chapter, it's very timely for my life right now.

Finally, I think my experience has taught me how carnal I am on a level I was not aware. In the days following being told I might have cancer, I was such a loving wife, kind mom, I thought only the most holy and pure thoughts. Now I'm back to being mean ole me. Reminds me of when Israel was freed from Egypt, no matter how many breaks God gave them, they always found a way to screw it up. I guess I'm much the same. Why are we humans so bad like that? I want to live like I'm dying, I want to live with a kindness on my lips, show Godly kindness, but I'm still thinking evil thoughts, wanting to fuss at this or that person, etc.

So let's all celebrate that I'm gonna be around to annoy the world a little longer, but definitely don't stop praying for me. God knows better than anyone how much I need Him!!