The city lights glowed in the distance from the 12th floor balcony of the Children's hospital. It was the best hospital in the state; everyone told Kelsey how the doctors would be able to get her son well. Still as she stood there, she felt anything but lucky. The cool night air blew past her making her oily dirty hair fall in strands over her tear-stained face. She hadn't bathed in days or changed her clothes, not that it mattered anyway. She had no family and the few friends she did have, she had stopped talking to years ago. Wiping the tear that rolled onto her cheek, she thought about her life the choices she made that caused her to be the shell of a woman she was today. 'I never should have been alone,' She thought as she felt the rage build back up in her.

Looking over her shoulder at the little lump laying in the hospital bed, she felt her heart crack. She looked up at the sky searching for the answer to why she had to endure so much suffering in her life as she had done before. She yelled at God, at Satan at whoever was out there that could hear her. At this point for all she knew she could have been cursing the one lone star that winked back at her. Finding no comfort in it, she pushed her fists tightly against her eyes to stop the new rush of tears she felt well up. Even as a child she knew it back then, the curse, she had stood like this many times before looking up screaming at whatever was out there. She could never love anyone or anything, everything she touched just crumbled and died. The first time was when she was 12; he favorite aunt had gotten sick. They tried to explain about the disease, but she didn't hear anything. Wasn't her fault was all they kept saying, they even bought her a new puppy that she refused to look at until finally they gave it to a little boy down the street. The pain of loss was too much for her, she didn't want to experience it ever again. So she kept a distance from people socializing only because of school, she was able to have many friends. Everyone liked her but not one could ever claim to be close to her... To really know her.

Then when she was 14, she forgot about the curse and had her only best friend, Becky. She was short with dark black hair and a real offbeat sense of humor. Kelsey liked her after she read her poem in English class titled was 'Why Poems Ruin Your Mind.' They grew close before she even thought about it sharing secrets and beauty tips. They spent hours gossiping about boys and what they would wear to their weddings talking late into the night. She even told Becky about the curse, the little girl listened closely nodding and giving her time to say whatever she needed too. Finally finishing her theory about her life she looked at her friend, all Becky said was "well unless it happens more then once its not a curse." She had never thought about that it only happened once maybe she was wrong. Four months later, the curse struck, she was walking over to Becky's house one summer day, and as she grew closer, she could see the commotion. Fire trucks, smoke, police officers, and she heard all the yelling moving as if in a dream, she got closer to the burning house... Becky's house no one saw her or stopped her. Then saw him, a big firefighter running from the blaze with something smoking thrown over his back, his face hidden by a mask but it was his eyes. Even through the mask, you could see the red puffiness as he cried. People rushed to him as he put the bundle on the ground, she looked over their shoulders. She didn't understand what it was, it looked like a badly burned life-sized doll. It made no sense to her until she saw the blackened medal around the burned dolls neck fingering her necklace she noticed she had the exact one hanging around hers it was Becky. She felt her chest tighten; voices seemed distant as if she was underwater someone grabbed her saying something she couldn't make out she watched the mouth move up and down as they dragged her away. As she looked back at her crumpled mass that used to be her best friend, she thought I wonder if she ever got to use that new nail polish. Funny, what you think of when your friend lays in a black pile of mush.

After that, she knew for sure she had been right it as a curse; she took extra care not to forget not to let anyone get too close. Her life was happy she had many friends, a good job and not to mention a long string of meaningless love affairs. Yeah she thought she had it all, life was going well almost too well. Her defenses were down she had laughed off her so-called curse as a figment of her imagination. It didn't exist it was the grief she had gone through. She once again put out the curse from her mind. Then it happened she met Mark.

She wasn't even looking for him he was just there. She was rushing into a bookstore to find a research book that she had forgotten to pick up. Preoccupied with going through her purse she never even seen him until she felt herself hit something hard. Nearly falling backward she felt strong arms catch her holding her steady. She found herself staring into deep green eyes that glistened as he smiled down at her. All she could do was stare back not moving realizing she hadn't said anything yet she felt her face grow hot with embarrassment. Pulling out of his grip and mumbling something she hoped sounded like an apology as she turned and walked quickly away. Her thoughts consumed by how green his eyes were she could feel his gaze burning into her back as he stared after her. She thought nothing more of it until a week later going into the same bookstore and felt a strong hand enclose around her arm. There he was all smiles his green eyes flickering as he made a little joke about her running away that day. They talked that led to dinner, which in turn led to late night movies, and cuddling on the couch. After a few months, she realized she loved him with all her heart coldness gripped her as soon as the thought left her head, the curse. She stopped seeing him and avoided his calls without any explanations. He left a ton of messages she could hear the hurt in his voice imagine the tears as he cried into her answering machine as much as three times a day. Her heart broke with every call he made until finally she gave in and agreed to see him one last time. To give him the explanation he deserved to try to relieve some of the pain she had caused him.

Even then, she knew she should have stayed away, eventually he would have forgotten her. Moved on even found love again, at least then he'd still be alive sharing with the world everything he had to give. Her selfishness made her go see him that last time her need to want to be in his arms again. Her egotism that made her believe everything he had said that night even though she knew better. Marrying him was against her better judgment but when his green eyes looked at her, she felt there wasnt anything she wouldn't do for this man. They shared three wonderful years had a son and she almost forgot about the curse until that day. She could remember that day vividly it was five days before Halloween. They got into a huge fight over his work schedule she wanted him home by 6pm she threatened him if he wasnt home that by 6:30 they'd be gone.

She walked over to the bed and covered Jacob. Poor baby because of her bad decisions and the curse he was the one that had to suffer. She stroked his hair lovingly he will never know how wonderful his father was. In a daze, she walked back out to the balcony watching the lights flicker lost in her memories. That day was a grim reminder of how stupid she was to believe there was no curse on her. The clock ticked loudly that day as she waited for him to come home anger rising as each minute passed. She was just getting the bag ready when the doorbell rang. Opening the door, she found herself face-to-face with two uniformed police officers one older with graying brown hair and the other blonde and much younger. Her mind raced she knew they were speaking to her she watched their mouths move but couldn't hear or understand anything. She felt as if she was underwater words sounded faded and distorted, her chest tightened and squeezed her lungs. She didn't even realize that she was holding her breath until they said the one word she could make out. A single word that had the power to change her whole world. Dead. Air exploded out of her chest in a half coughs and half sobs she watched as spit flew from her mouth landing on the cheek of the young blonde officer. He made no move to wipe it off and she found herself wondering why he didn't. If he even noticed it at all. Funny what you think about as your world comes crashing down around you.

As they continued talking she focused on the spit on the man's cheek refusing to look them in the eye instead she watched as the spit slowly made a wet trail down his cheek as they described the accident. It was the same story typical drunk behind the wheel running a red light. Mark rushing to get home never did see the yellow SUV both drivers died instantly but Mark got the worst of it as the SUV hit the side of his little Ford a semi was next to him beheading him. It was that fast in an instant the love of her life ripped away from her. Focusing on the spit harder she tried not to picture the headless body of her husband twitching in his seat belt. By now, the spit had made it to the man's chin she couldn't take it any more she reached out wiped it off and closed the door. Leaning against the door, she slid down to the floor crying after a few minutes she heard the two finally leave. She went and grabbed Jacob holding him tight as she cried, her thoughts raced through her head. If only they hadnt argued, if only he was a few minutes late, if only the semi hadn't been there. Didn't matter though she knew nothing could have changed it was the curse that had did this. Her heart broke again as she remembered the last words she spoke to him full of rage and hate. She had screamed at him saying she wished she never met him. Would he ever know that she never meant that or how much she did love him? Did she show him enough when they were together? Did she say the words enough for him to know that he was her world? She choked on her words as she recalled the next day a bag of Mark's belongings from the crash sat in front of her door. Sitting on the floor, she went through the contents a few old bills, lost pictures of them all together laughing in the backyard and a light blue envelope with her name on it. There was no mistaking what she had lovingly called Mark's handwriting as chicken scratch. Knowing him as well as she did she knew this was the apology she didn't deserve tears burned hot as she threw it across the room. It stayed hidden under the couch for months until Jacob found it while playing on the floor.

She read it slowly feeling her heart thump in her chest as her only loves words came from beyond the grave to touch her. The message was simply 'I'm sorry,' then as an afterthought 'I have never loved anyone like I love you. You are my angel, my love, my best friend, and my soul mate, forever yours with love Mark.' Getting up she went outside into the early evening looking up and cursing at a God or whatever being there was up there. She had cursed at whatever was out there that had cursed her. That was when she had sworn she would never give it the pleasure of seeing her tears again. The only answer she got was a lone star winking back at her. Kelsey wondered if that was the same star she had cursed at tonight from the hospital balcony, she clutched a heavy blanket to her chest. Years ago, she had stopped living and merely survived devoting every minute to care for Jacob keeping that little piece of her soul mate alive. Crawling into herself deeper then ever not letting anyone near her friends stopped coming around. Her face had grown stiff; her hair turned gray the years stolen from her being as bitter looking on the outside as she felt on the inside. No matter what else happened there was no show of emotion from her, no tears flowed no badly she needed too. Life eventually settled into some routine and after a year, the pain was a dull ache. A routine settled in, everything felt as close a normal life as it ever could for her she felt sure the curse found someone else to torture. There was nothing more she could lose she had grown numb to feeling anything at all. Jacob was safe after all; he looked more like Mark then her that should be enough to offset the curse. His life would be much better then hers she'd make sure.

Then as if God, fate, Satan or that same stupid star she had cursed years ago decided to show her how wrong she was. Jacob got ill in school test after test they couldn't find the cause. Day after day, she sat there looking into his eyes that reflected his fathers eyes. The curse lived it was even stronger then the love Mark had given their son even his half couldn't keep their son safe. She had done it again, still she held on to the hope that doctors would be able to stop it. Break the curse change what would eventually happen she couldn't handle another loss. In desperation she had went and read up on occult and voodoo books, looking for something that would break the curse. A year after tests Jacobs little body thin and always in pain got sicker, his green eyes dulled with pain medications. Kelsey's arms full of deep ugly scars from all the bloodletting that most books said would take off any curse didn't help. She even tried to make amends with whatever being she had cursed, no amount of prayers helped it was as if no one was listening to her. Even in the best hospital with the best doctors couldn't help her or her baby all they could do was to keep him comfortable so they moved him up to a private room with a balcony. For the final time in her life, she cursed everything and decided there was something she could do. Looking around at the room, they did everything they could to make him comfortable. Patting his head once again, she thought it was unfair that her curse was sucking the life out of him minute by minute. Placing the picture of his father on his pillow, she bent down and kissed his forehead. Walking back onto the balcony holding the blanket to her she looked up again to see that same star flickering back down at her. Smiling back at it, she thought this time I beat you to it I won, you can't hurt me. Leaning against the railing looking into the room she waited, soon it will all be over.

The door flew open a dark skinned nurse came in looking excited as she shouted to her "We have news!" Kelsey just smiled from the balcony she knew the nurse was talking to her but again as she had done so many years ago couldn't make out the words. She felt like she was underwater again she focused on the nurses mouth watching as it turned from a smile into a look of confusion then she was gone. She came back with a group of people behind her, people whose mouths moved up and down some looked as if they were screaming. Still there was no sound like watching a silent movie Kelsey leaned forward a bit to see better into the room. Watching all the nurses and doctors some were crying others stood still as if in shock most were talking all at once. Even with all the commotion in the room her focus remained on the color red. When did they paint the room red? Funny what you think about when your world comes crashing down around you. As if on cue the crowd turned towards her from where she sat, she could see her baby's face so sweet and beautiful. Her love for him was deeper then anyone would ever know. A doctor that had treated Jacob was moving towards her mouth moving up and down but no words. His hands stretched out as if to take something from her; holding it tighter to her she smiles at him and leans back feeling the cool air as she falls. She made out one word before she went over..cure and felt the air explode out of her lungs as she clutched the headless body of her little boy. Just before she hit the sidewalk of the hospital, she thought who knew the power of one word that can destroy you. Funny what you think of as you go crashing down around the world.