For the last nine years, the arrival of April has meant one thing—the Listen Up Spoken Word Event at Mills College Upward Bound. I discovered Upward Bound when a classmate in my Creative Writing graduate program invited me to come meet these amazing teens who were doing a Saturday writing workshop in preparation for their poetry reading. If you don't know Upward Bound (NOT Outward Bound! That's the one where kids experience nature adventures to teach them their inner strength), it's a Department of Ed program that helps low-income teens become the first in their families to pursue four-year college degrees. My Upward Bound serves the troubled Oakland, California school district, and my first writing workshop with them eventually led to years as a college counselor/teacher/tech chick/jill-of-all-trades for the program.
That first year, I joined the program as a workshop participant, and I joined the Upward Bound students for their annual reading. The next year, I took over the coordination of the workshops and the planning of the event. I've performed there every year since then. I often do poems about the fat girl experience, in part because it's a huge (no pun intended) part of who I am and in part because I know young women need positive role models in the form of adult females who will openly talk about body image.
The 10th Anniversary of Listen Up was celebrated last week! (If you're interested in supporting youth poetry, check it out at http://www.myspace.com/millslistenup). I introduced my poem like this:
Every few years at Listen Up I do a fat girl poem, and every time I do, I ask myself, "Am I really going to do another fat girl poem?" and then I say, "Well, uh, I'm still a fat girl. So, YES!" Before I read my poem tonight, I'm gonna ask you to do something. I do a lot of fat activism and awareness raising, and one of the things that really inspires me is a quote I read in a magazine a few years ago. I don't remember who said it…I think it might have been Camryn Manheim or maybe this plus-size model, Emme…I don't know, one of those media friendly fat girls. Anyway, she said something like, "We're never gonna know what a sexy 250 pound woman looks like because no woman who weighs 250 pounds will ever admit it." Now, I'm right in that 250 pound ballmark…
At this point I stepped away from the podium and, accompanied by thunderous applause (if I do say so myself) spun in a circle so my entire 240-something pounds could be seen from all angles.
So you can determine for yourselves is you've seen a sexy 250-pound woman. Now, I want to invite all of you to do something with me, those of you who are brave enough. I'm going to count to three, and I want you to stand up and shout out your weight. Yes, I'm serious. Whoever is brave enough. Yes, I'm looking at some of your specifically. C'mon now…one…two…three!
And at least 1/3 of the people in the audience did it! Especially the fat girls! Yay!!!
And then I gave them a round of applause, because any woman (or man, for that matter) who will stand up in a room full of strangers (at least half of whom are high school students…not the most tolerant group on the planet) and shout out their weight DESERVES a round of applause! Blog readers, feel free to do the e-equivalent by including your weight, loud and proud, in any comments you happen to post! J
So, here's the poem. As I told the audience, it's still untitled but for now I'll just call it…
That Other Fat Girl Poem
Everybody knows a fat girl who sits at home
Feeling so sorry and wrong
But not everybody knows a fat girl who rocks it
So here is that fat girl's song
I've got rolls and rolls and rolls
And I don't give a damn
Cuz lots of folks wanna squeeze these rolls
And love me the way I am
If somebody don't like this big girl body
I don't have to waste my time
I know I outweigh all these video girls
There's more curves in a dollar than in a dime
No disrespect to thin girls, I love my skinny sistas
Because every woman's a prize
But I can be just as hot as that skinny girl is
I'm just hot in a bigger size
So all my curvy cuties just hold your head high
Don't let fat-hating fools cramp your style
Besides, you have fewer chins when you keep your head up
And we all look more cute when we smile
So what if you weigh what a ball player benches
Strut your stuff with your lumps and your rolls
Let your life be judged by successes and laughter and love
And not by the size of your clothes.