More people, women especially, need to be selfish.

Now wait a minute, before you jump to conclusions, hear me out. I’m sure you’ll end up agreeing.

There are two kinds of selfishness and I’m not talking about the egocentric selfishness that disregards others indiscriminately, has no respect and is just plain mean and rude. I mean the selfishness that puts self first.

It saddens me deeply to see people (unfortunately mostly women) living for others – putting others desires, needs and opinions before their own. If people could just see how damaging that is, if they could be a little more selfish, I believe they’d be happier.

I remember living my life for another. I remember a time when I put other’s needs and desires before my own. And I remember being miserable. It felt like I was walking on eggshells and not being true to myself. It wasn’t a good feeling at all. I think that perhaps for some people it becomes the norm and they don’t even feel uncomfortable about it, but I’ve always been very strong, quite opinionated (if you get to know me a little, at first I’m shy!), and I’ve never allowed others to control me, either by their views or opinions.

I’ve been thinking about how people (read: women) need to be more selfish lately – and then last night lo and behold I got a very interesting email from a model I had a scheduled shoot with for this Sunday. She wrote to tell me that she had to cancel our shoot. She wanted to go down to LA to try out for America’s Next Top Model because they’re accepting models under 5’7” for the first time and she, being shorter, wanted to try out. She said that her boyfriend had a big problem with this, and a huge problem with her modeling in general. She said that she, being the type of person she is, is going to stop modeling altogether because he’s not ok with it. She said that she’s devastated that she “has” to give up modeling, but she’s going to, to appease her boyfriend.

My jaw literally dropped. I honestly could not believe that this girl laid it out like that. Usually when people give up something they love for someone else, they aren’t so clearly aware of it, or they make excuses in their head and don’t admit it publically. Of course I wrote her back and expressed my deep disappointment, not because she had to cancel our shoot (honestly I could care less about that, the issue of her bending to her boyfriends insecurities is far more important!) but because she is living for someone else. I let her know that she would regret deeply not pursuing her dreams and she should never let anyone, especially a pigheaded jealous insecure BOY, stand in the way of what she wanted and what made her happy. If he really cared about her and loved her he would encourage her to pursue her dreams and make herself happy!

I don’t expect a response but I hope that she thinks about what I wrote. It makes me wonder: how do people get this way? Is it socialization? Or is it something inherent? It’s become clear to me that some people are weak, and some are strong, but are either of these a learned behavior? I believe everyone can make themselves strong. Someone very important to me used to say “If you notice weakness in yourself, MAKE yourself strong.” Those words are with me always, and I am forever working on making myself stronger.

I am selfish and proud of it. I put myself and my own happiness first. I will never live my life for another, I will only live for me (reason number 48,950,860,480 that I’m not having children). I will never allow the opinions or insecurities of another to affect my personal life or pursuing my desires. I will work hard to be strong, to make myself happy and to put myself first. What else is there?