dear person(s) i am talking to/at,
as i write, ME- and (to a lesser extent), US-related events continue to take place ALARMINGLY CLOSE to my CURRENT LOCATION. even as the SECURITY SITUATION here at where i am CONTINUES TO DETERIORATE, i intend to keep reporting to you from the very CENTRE of the US-RELATED ACTION, until the realities of the situation force me to introduce some separation between me and us-related events for FOR MY OWN SAFETY.
i'm getting word now WITH ONE HAND RAISED TO AN EAR that someone is talking to me on my earpiece and passing on a message which i'm RAPIDLY, AGITATI-SOOTHINGLY relaying to you now live on air:
- we have: wangled a (very limited) consignment of our new EP 'yes maybe no' into JB Hi Fi stores.
- we have: put t-shirts up for sale on the laura site, including some limited edition japan tour 2008 t-shirts. http://www.lauratheband.com
- we have announced upcoming shows in sydney, brisbane and melbourne:
:: friday 19th september in melbourne: east brunswick club w/ special guests. pre-sale tix on sale now, $12+bf at the east brunswick club box office, or online bookings @ www.eastbrunswickclub.com :: phone bookings: (03) 93889794
:: saturday 20th september in brisbane: globe theatre, 220 brunswick street fortitude valley w/ del toro & do the robot. tickets at oztix retail outlets, or from globe theatre (www.globetheatre.com.au / 1300 762 656)
:: sunday 21st sept in sydney: badlands festival. http://www.myspace.com/badlandsfestival
- we have: recovered our instruments from customs.
- we have: sent an email message to you listing all the things above.
in TROUBLED times, it's the simple questions that become more important: what do events MEAN? how should we LIVE? what must we CHANGE? in an ever-changing world of geopolitical manoeuvre AND metanational 50-billion-dollar-foldout-mansion financial MANIPULATION, a world in which global INTRIGUE seems sometimes not to solely revolve around LAURA, YOU need to stay on top of the things that matter more then ever: your trusted, OMNI-ideological, ultra-UBIQUI-partisan, hyper-neo-post-SUPER-HUMANist source of US-related news coverage should always be: US. remember, laura the imaginary human is MILITANTLY PRO-HUMAN, in a world where the real humans often aren't.
unexpected bonus laura-endorsed personality test 493: have a quick look at the next paragraph. each of the triples can be left as it stands or flipped (i.e. "yes maybe no" could be left alone, or flipped to "no maybe yes"). to do the test, go through the list, deciding for each triple whether you prefer to leave it alone (write down a zero) or flip it (write down a one). for best accuracy and predictive power, each decision should feel completely arbitrary (i.e. DO NOT, just because it's a personality test, start thinking about your childhood). at the end, you will be left with a binary number (e.g. 000101010). convert this binary number into a decimal number (this page can help: http://mistupid.com/computers/binaryconv.htm). don't worry about making mistakes; they're all part of the magic of the test. the space fairies who are running the show have the capacity to predict and compensate for them. multiply the decimal number by your age. go to google and type this number as words separated by spaces, followed by your name (e.g. "four hundred and thirty six ") into the search bar and press "i feel lucky". the page you reach will be a specially generated message intended solely for you, giving a special insight into your future romantic, professional and financial escapades.
YES MAYBE NO
NEVER SOMETIMES ALWAYS
ICE WATER STEAM
FUTURE PRESENT PAST
THINK SAY WRITE
RUN WALK CRAWL
ENGORGE ENDURE TUMESCE
LIES LIES LIES
LOVE LOVE LOVE
HUMANS HUMANS HUMANS