Health officials from around the country have released a report that details how puffer jackets can ruin human health. These inflatable life jacket type garments can do more harm than good if they are worn in public.

Moral upstanding citizens have welcomed the news. These people have campaigned for a very long time that these items of clothing are unsafe to wear. They maintain that, among hundreds of other claims, they make the wearer look like the Michelin Man. A scientist by the name of Doctor Hugh G Rection supports the claim by saying that "they look really dumb!"

In towns all over the United Kingdom, vigilantes have been issuing jihad's and lethal beatings to anyone that is seen in the afore-mentioned clothing. Even a senior politician has voiced his opinions on these terrifying jackets. He said "this kind of behaviour is unacceptable. We cannot allow people to act like this and think that they can get away with it. I fully support the Anti Puffer Jacket League."

Legislation is currently being drafted in the House of Lords to prevent more puffer jackets being made, sold and worn. Lord Bunions-Thwaite slurred "I drink because I can. I don't know anymore than that."

An idiot who wears one of these jackets was interviewed for the Daily Veg, but his answers were monosyllabic and could not be understood because of his incredibly poor education.

Parents are being urged by family welfare groups to prevent their sons and daughters from donning these items of clothing, and thus damaging their limited intelligence even further.

Reporter: Padraig