I am not sure what has gotten into me, but my obsession with having a better body has progressively gotten worse and worse. And why is this? It is almost to the point where it is all I can think about. I often stop to think what my true motives are for being so obsessed with bring fit. Now i know I am not fat by any means, but i feel this urge that there is always something else that I can improve upon. A flatter more cut stomach, better calves, stronger thighs etc. I have to stop and ask myself am I doing this for self gratification or to impress others. I feel as though it is a bit from column A and a bit from column B. While working out makes me feel great about myself, there is a part of me that thinks, maybe if I was a bit better looking then these relationships I have would stop falling apart. I know it is what's on the inside that counts, and the reason my relationships end is because I bore easily as well as am easily annoyed so I am the one who drops them. I still feel as if the right one that i won't do that to will come along if i can attract them to me initially. call me crazy but that is my thought process at this point in time.
so why am I writing about all this in a myspace blog. Well because i recently decided to train to run a half marathon this coming november. Something that i have always wanted to do but never put forth the effort until now. Putting forth the effort means intense workout/ running as well as improving my diet and being more aware of what I am eating. No longer allowing to "reward" myself with a cookie because i ran 6 miles today. But I can't help but stop and think of other motives I have of being sooo into running and being fit then just the fact of purely "wanting too"