Breathe - Pray - Release - by A. Kay Oxendine

 Hello my loves!

I want to begin this weeks column with a huge thank you to those of you who have taken out time in your day to share your thoughts and comments about our newspaper, and especially to all the folks who have shared with me that my column in some way touched them.  You have to know, that no matter where you are in your life, someone else, somewhere, that you may never have met, has also experienced pain, joy, heartbreak, misery, grief, passion and love.  These are all just helpful hints to remind you that you are not alone.

1) Are you a succubus?  All of us are faced with challenges, trials and just life, and all of us face valleys.  You have to know what makes you different than everyone else, is how you handle your time in the valley.  Do you camp out there and live for days, weeks, months or even years, and try to bring everyone else to your tent of woe, or do you wake up each day, repack your gear and begin to climb the new mountain?  There are folks all around who want to hold you accountable for their woe.  How does their burden constitute and mold your being?  You see, recently, I have been faced with folks that have not only camped in the valley, but are building a bridge to bring everyone down to their commune, and if they had their way about it, it would be a nation of woe.  The proper title for these people is a succubus.  They are unhappy and are only made happy when they latch onto you and suck each and every drop of your joy and energy from you.  They have decided that they are victims, that life has cheated them, and it's not only their job but their dang right to show you how unhappy you should be.  Then when you begin to wallow in despair, you then become their victim, their prey, camped in their village of woe, misery and anger.  There goal has been reached!  Don't do it… Breathe...Pray for them…Release it all.

2) Making time to pray.  When I first turned my life over to God, I didn't know how to pray.  I was broken.  There were things happening in my life that were forcing me to change, whether I liked it or not.  I would come home each night and pray for sleep to come—that way my crying time would be cut to a minimum and the morning would bring another chance to just be.  I re-learned how to pray, thanks to my prayer partner Kristy, who thought enough of me to share very specific Bible verses.  Each night, before I went to bed, it was like an assignment to me, a chore.  I made myself read each verse, sometimes reading so fast that I could never remember the verse if you asked me, but I made myself read them.  Why?  Because this also made another 15 minutes of my day go by, and that in itself was a victory.  Spending that time in God's space, made me smile, even for a little while.  Before long, I realized I had created prayer time.  I started really reading the verses, and actually digging them, and realized the amazement of love that God had for me.  It was awesome.  I released that allotted time that used to be spent speaking word garbage to learning and understanding God's word.  Hence, my prayer time was created.

3) Learn to forgive others.  When you have anger, bitterness, hatred or loathing for someone, all you are doing is giving that person your energy.  They are thriving from your misery.  Forgive them, and release their power on you.  Stop being a victim from someone else's hand.  Breathe, pray, and release it.  Go ahead.  Try it.

4) Learn to forgive yourself.  When you have anger, bitterness, hatred or loathing for yourself, you are tearing down the incredible temple that has been created to house your soul.  Realize that you are not perfect and you will make mistakes—learn to accept the responsibility of the mistake and let it go.  Breathe, Pray for strength, and release it to know that you will not walk through it again.  Why are YOU denying YOU the blessing of loving YOU?

5) Take control of your life.  All of us have faced some pretty hard situations in our lives but we are also all in control of our own destiny.  When you look at life, is the cup half full or half empty?  Decide to make it half full and watch your cup overflow.  What are you doing to help you?  How can we expect everyone else to save us, when we don't think we are worth saving.  You show people how to treat you.  If you want to continue being a victim, they will continue obliging your needs.  If you want to be treated like a queen or king, show them how royalty is handled.   Just breathe, pray and release it. 

6) Not everyone is going to get you.  Deal with it.  (Note to self.) No matter how much you think that you get someone else, you can not judge that person's walk. (big note to self).  You can offer prayers, love and encouragement, but you can't make them do anything.  (amen to the amen).  It is ok that not everyone likes you.  It is really ok.  The plain fact is that you can not judge another brother until you have walked in their moccasins for a few days.  You can not control how your message is going to be heard.  But that does not mean you stop talking, or breathing, or praying or releasing.  Preachers face this dilemma each time they stand before their congregation.  They have a message, and some will get it and some will not.  Some will accuse him/her of speaking out of turn, some will ask "how did you know I was going through this?"  He does not stop spreading the message of God's love because someone may not get the meaning, instead, he prays harder, breathes in and out and releases his words through his sermon each Sunday morning.  Remember, not everyone is gonna get you, but that doesn't mean you stop sharing your story.  Just one person might.  And that makes it all worthwhile.

7) Believe it or not, I have been all those things that I write about.  I sometimes still am that victim, that valley dwelling succubus.  But I continue to make choices to change my path.  I keep breathing, forgive others, pray harder, forgive myself, and continue to try to take care of my life, then I move on to the next challenge.  I do this again and again, as needed, like taking my meds.  I choose to camp out for moments not months. I pray you get some awesome blessings from these words, but I'm ok if you don't.  However, if you think this message is for you...well, it just might be.  Claim it and be that change you want to see.