20. Lil Wayne


Lil Wayne is the shit and he knows it. But, honestly, Lil Wayne isn't even that attractive. It's the total package, however, that makes this man the best rapper alive, and thus the rapper most girls would bone. Everyone knows that I may have a slight obsession with Weezy and I guess that means I'd been willing to get down, but only after several blunts and a lot of lean. I'm sure he'd oblige. Plus, it'd be a good story to tell at parties.

19. Chris Conley circa 1999


I know he's fat and married now, but I will always have a crush on babyfaced Chris Conley from the "Through Being Cool" cd jacket. I would have been sitting next to him on that couch, awkward and unhappy at that party, too!

18. Matt Skiba


So he's kind of old and kind of goth and I'm pretty sure he's married, but there's something sexy about Mr. Skiba. Alkaline Trio has been the upbeat-but-still-dark soundtrack to my angst for years.

17. Joe Trohman


Yeah, I know he's in Fall Out Boy. But he's from Hollywood, Florida and is totally Jewish and smokes a lot of weed. Hey, same here!!! He's metal as fuck and a crazy good guitar player and is the nicest dude in the FOB (Patrick is a close second). He let me a bum a cigarette once and I was smiling for a week. Love him!

16. Chris Carrabba circa 1999/2000


That voice. That hair. Those eyes. Those sideburns. Those sleeves. Ugh, but those fucking eyebrows. But his abs make up for the caterpillars on his face times a million. He's a good ol' South Florida boy and I can't deny how many middle school nights were spent listening to Dashboard Confessional albums, wishing Christopher Ender Carrabba would be mine. Too bad Dashboard blows now and he's probably not hot anymore. But, during his prime, I would have been more than happy to get with it.


15. Vince Vaugn circa 1997


Vince was soo money in Swingers, before he started looking so fucking tired all the time. Tall, skinny, foul-mouthed. I love his attitude and I get sad when I think about how bloated he is now (although I still love him just as much).

14. Adam Lazzara

Not as attractive as he once was, but Adam Lazzara is a long-standing crush that has been a-brewin' since seventh grade, during the peak of my Taking Back Sunday love. Too bad when I met him at Warped Tour in ninth grade, he was a prick. Oh well.

13. Devendra Banhart

I don't know, I just like weird indie rockers with awesome facial hair. Not much else to it.

12. Gabe Saporta

So he's a total douchebag IRL and I will never forgive him from ruining Midtown and creating shit-tastic Cobra Starship. But who cares! He's fine and totally sassy and I've had an uber-crush on him since eighth grade. We definitely had a moment when I saw Midtown live in 2003. Fuck what you know!


11. Jake Gyllenhall circa 2001


He's probably gay and kind of hairy now, but I'm still DTF. He was cuter when he was younger but he's pretty jacked now so that's cool, too. Little Jakey was definitely in his prime for Highway and Donnie Darko, though.

10. Tom Gabel


Favorite punk rock crush! Nicest guy ever and cutest face ever. Another Florida boy made good. Against Me! kind of sucks now, but they will always be amazing in my heart. No matter how many times they sell out and make high-budget music videos and sign to majors, I will still always be willing to kiss Tom Gabel. Always!


09. Jonah Hill


I have a serious crush on Jonah. Chubby with glasses and JewFro, Jewish, stoner-type, hilarious. We had an intense connection via a MySpace message once, so I'm pretty sure Jonah's down to hook up. Holla@me.

08. Seth Rogen

Once again: Chubby with glasses and JewFro, Jewish, stoner-type, hilarious. Secret crushing since Freaks and Geeks, most definitely!

07. T.I.


Everyone knows I have a thing for light-skinned black men. T.I. is so good looking, not to mention one of my favorite rappers. The swagger and Atlanta drawl get me every time. So what if he owns ridiculous amounts of guns and has like a hundred kids? He's the King of the South and I am more than down to be his queen, fo sho!


06. Max Bemis


SO cute, so troubled, so Jewish. Plus, he loves Saves the Day as much as I do. Swoon!

05. James Franco


Have you seen this man's face? Not that big of a fan, minus Freaks and Geeks and Pineapple Express. But geeze. Sooo good looking.
 
04. Ludacris

Like I said, I have a thing for light-skinned black dudes. Ludacris is my ultimate light-skinned black dude. Plus, he's one of the illest rappers out there and continuously kills it. And not to mention super good looking!


03. Adam Brody


So he's not that great of an actor but he's got one hell of a face. I'm pretty sure he'd be a jerk in real life, but I'm willing to find out. I want him to be exactly like Seth Cohen, though, so we can get married and have adorable jew babies that listen to indie rock.

02. Leonardo DiCaprio


Soooo dreamy! He got a little roundfaced in his older years, but he's saving the enviroment and I love him for that. Super hot! He's still making awesome movies to boot. I love me some Leo, always and forever.


01. Conor Oberst

Words escape me for this one. The ultimate dream boy, hands down no questions asked. I have had a long-standing love affair with Conor, dating back to 2001. I think Conor has a thing for me, as he dedicated "The Calendar Hung Itself" (only my favorite Bright Eyes song ever!!1) to me when I was only fourteen and saw Bright Eyes live for the first time. I will love Conor forever, no matter how long his hair is or how bad his music gets. Conor, me love you long time. Dump stupid Maria Taylor and let's get married already.