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Current mood:  busy Category: Life
The paint smeared over my hand and stained it for the entire day like it was trying to cover up something I couldn't see.
There were remnants of your touch left on my skin and I just kept coating it with layers.
Paint or gloves or scarfs or jewelry or pockets placed in hoodies with my hood up and my ears turned inward.
I've been turning my ears inward for the last few weeks.
People have considered it thoughtful; I've considered it a full-proof plan.
I've considered many plans but my current plan seems the best of them all.
My heart is a clown, I know this -- but that doesn't make me a joke.
It's as if responsibility is always just outside your reach.
My boots stomp through the hallways like I am a marching band of one.
Making my own rhythm because it's the only one I have.
Click, clatter, stomp, pause, click, spin, tap, watch.
I murmur under my breath "I rather care too much than not care at all."
There is a solitude to that statement, but I am okay with solitude.
I am okay with being strong enough for many and folding in the corners of my eyes so I no longer recognize you.
I've accepted that I probably will never recognize you.
If it's okay with you, it's okay with me.
I ran down the path in the dark with the gate keeping me away from flying anywhere I wanted to fly.
Dropping everything, I just sprinted.
I hopped, jumped, and then ran for my life.
It was misty outside and the moon was creating a giant hole in the sky.
It was coming straight toward me without zigzags or cross-hairs.
The moon knew who it was aiming at like a welcome-home banner for a long time friend.
It was about to rain soon.
Of course it was about to rain soon.
The mistake of running too far is you have to run the same distance back.
Stop.
Stop.
Just stop.
Just stop moving.
Just stop moving long enough for air to get into your lungs.
Okay.
Fine.
I stopped moving, but now what?
Head back to your friends that are waiting on the hill, collect your stuff, get out of here.
We piled into the car as the headlights gazed on our faces.
We are so recognizable to one another.
I'll always recognize them.
If that's okay with you, it's going to be okay with me.
I'm going to be okay because I never was the opposite.
For a long while, happiness use to frighten me because of the downhill.
For the first time in a long while, I am not afraid of happiness.
I've heard I bring it wherever I go.
2:16 AM
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